


Silver Shores Of Paradise

by Theonewhosawitall



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Canon-Typical Violence, Caring Danny "Danno" Williams, Drawing, Family, Forgiveness, M/M, Steve McGarret Loves Grace Williams, Steve McGarrett Feels Guilty, Steve McGarrett Has Abandonment Issues, Steve McGarrett Has Issues, Steve McGarrett Has PTSD, Steve McGarrett Needs a Hug, Team as Family, Timeline What Timeline, Trauma, War, Written and best read at 2 am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-19 01:35:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29991888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theonewhosawitall/pseuds/Theonewhosawitall
Summary: Steve struggles to get the message through to Danny, who tries really hard to understand why Steve's struggling.
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 17
Kudos: 73





	1. Many Clerics Wasted Wine

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song I Really Want You by James Blunt which always makes me think of Steve.

Steve couldn't tell for sure what was blood and what was wine. Both stained the cloths covering the bodies. Laying across the alter of the church, their knees were still bent in prayer. Their deaths were merciless. Unnecessary. A statement. Then again they always were. That was the problem in warzones. Everything matters so much that nothing matters at all. And the red wine kept dripping into the pooling puddle beneath the cup it had spilled from.

"You okay Lieutenant-Commander?"

Steve raised his head towards the voice. He had never been a religious man. He had seen too much tragedy to believe whatever God ruled them was benevolent one. But this was sacrilegious enough to anger him too.

"All they wanted to do was pray. To worship. We should have been here to protect them."

"That wasn't in the mission sir. None of our intel picked this place up as a viable target."

"Then it was wrong, wasn’t it?!"

Steve barked at the guy with a growl in his tone like a tethered Rottweiler. The solider bowed his head but stood obediently to attention. Steve closed his eyes as a wave of regret crossed him. He never met to bark at the lower ranks. None of this was any of their faults.

"Sorry Clarke. I just... I just feel like we wasted our time here. We still couldn't save anyone..."

"I know sir. We'll get justice for them instead sir, I'm sure."

Steve looked out across the cobbled streets being lined with corpses as the soldiers vaguely attempted to identify any of them. The weight of the world was heavy on his shoulders. As young as he was, he felt himself aging a decade that day.

"Let's get back to base. There's nothing more we can do here," Steve decided.

Clarke nodded obediently, "yes sir."

...

Back at base Steve had six whole minutes to himself after debriefing before he was due for another meeting. Endless meetings were all part of his duty. At first he considered being slightly early, ready and waiting, but then he looked down at his phone. He had a missed call. From John. Steve licked his lips. It had been a long time, and he didn’t have much to spare, but he hit redial.

"Aloha?"

"Hey."

"Steve?"

"Hi Dad."

John's voice was quiet. He sounded awestruck at the very fact that they were talking. About a million things needed to be said between them, and yet all they could handle was small talk. Steve began to wonder why he bothered calling at all.

"I'm sorry its been so long. I missed your last call and-"

"No, Dad, really, its fine. We're not supposed to take calls while on a confidential mission anyway so it's fine."

Talking to his father always felt like a chore. Not because he didn't want to - even though their relationship had corroded over time and even now the rusty parts creaked harshly when they attempted to connect - but because it made him homesick. Steve had left the warm shores of Hawaii, what felt like a lifetime ago now. The silver shores of paradise were as far from the icy cold desert nights out here.

Steve was sure that the cold had gotten into his bones. It bit at him. Made him shiver, even in the desert sun. He wasn't sure it would ever fully leave him.

"Look, we're moving out soon. I just called because..."

Steve's jaw clenched. He wasn’t sure why he called. Mostly out of a sense of duty he guessed. His father hadn't answered the call last time he phoned, a month ago now, and back then, well, back then he had needed to talk to his father. Steve had just shot a man dead in front of his son, and it was weighing on him. He could feel it like a vice on his chest. The man had to be killed. It was the mission. But recently, Steve had been beginning to question the futility of these missions. Every time they killed one man, another was radicalised, traumatized, or coerced into joining the enemy. And this was just a kid. All he knew was that bad men broke into his house and killed his father in front of him.

And Steve had been desperate to hear his father's voice.

When he didn’t pick up, Steve once again found himself talking to Joe White. Joe boosted him, got his head back in the game, and now...

"Dad I gotta go."

"Alright. Be carefull out there son. I..."

Steve tensed. He clung a little tighter to the phone than he would ever admit to anyone. It had been so long since his father told him he loved him that Steve couldn't even imagine the words in his voice anymore. But, like always, John just sighed.

"Aloha."

Steve closed his eyes, hurt, but not surprised. "Aloha."

Once he hung up, Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. His chest burned. There was a small whirlwind in his throat. One day he would go back to Hawaii and sit down with his father and they would _talk._ They had to. There was just too much unspoken between them.

But that could wait. There was plenty of time for that later. Right now, he was due at a meeting. And he was not about to cry in front of his superiors.

...

"You want me to insert, snatch up Anton Hesse, exfil the area without getting compromised, sir."

"Exactly, but bear this in mind. This mission does not exist. If you're killed or captured, you're on your own."

"Yes, sir."

"That means no rescue attempt. No negotiations. Not even an acknowledgment of your service."

"I understand."

"Steve, we're not going to send you downrange all by your lonesome. Pick a team member to go with you. Someone with extensive operational background."

"I know just the man, sir."


	2. Can I Come In From The Cold?

Danny cocked his head to the side to watch Steve, curiously. Steve was leaning against the cushions of the couch with his arm slung across the back and his feet out like he didn’t have a care in the world. Except his eyes were glazed over and staring off into the distance like he was worlds away from Danny's living room.

"Steve? You alright man?" Danny nudged him playfully.

Steve snapped out of his thoughts abruptly and turned to blink at Danny. He looked utterly lost. Danny bit back a small smile. Steve was almost cute when he was dazed.

"Where'd you go man, I was getting lonely all by myself," Danny teased.

"Sorry, I... sorry," Steve muttered.

He shifted to try and get some feeling back into his muscles. Steve wasn’t sure how long he'd been lost for, but his arm was full of pins and needles. Danny frowned, concerned.

"Seriously, Steve, are you okay? What were you thinking about?"

Steve's chest felt heavy again. Despite the setting sun streaming in through the windows, he had a chill in his core that never quite warmed up. Talking about it felt like wading through a swamp he did not want to enter. So he shook his head.

"Nothin'."

Nine times out of ten Steve could say that to someone and they'd let the whole conversation go. Joe would tell him he needed to find someone professional to talk to about this. Catherine would drop it entirely and move on like the topic ever arose. Chin would assure him that he was there if he ever wanted to talk. Kono would poke him a little, maybe make a half hearted joke, and promise him she was here if he needed her. They'd all move on swiftly though.

But Steve was here with _Danny._

Danny's response was to shift round slightly to see him better, and give him a look that said in no uncertain terms that he didn’t believe a word Steve said.

"I know you usually think about nothing, believe me, I have seen that your head is empty unless it's crafting an idea good enough to give me a heart attack - by good, of course I uh I mean, batshit crazy stupid-"

Steve rolled his eyes. Whenever Danny started off a conversation with a rant, it was a trap. It was a vine on the edge of the swamp, ready to haul Steve down into it, whether he like it or not. He never did.

"But here in reality, where normal people live, there's this thing called talking-"

"I know, you're doing it constantly, you're like a recorded message I cant turn off-"

"What makes you think you’re so tough that everything just rolls of your back huh? Huh, Commander Super SEAL? Because, y’know, HPD have a department therapist you should get an appointment with-"

"I'm not going to a therapist Danny!" Steve huffed.

"Then talk to me!" Danny huffed back, "talk to her, talk to me, talk to a god damn shark in that stupid cage you’re so crazy about for all I care - you just cant keep stuff bottled up Steve, it's not healthy."

"Since when did you care if I'm healthy or not?"

"Since you forced me into being your partner and now I gotta trust that you’re going be fit enough to pass a psyche exam and not get us all killed."

Steve stared at Danny. He wasn't sure if Danny was fully joking or not, so he wasn’t sure so offended he should be. Either way Steve scowled.

"It's confidential," he lied.

Danny rolled his eyes widely and dramatically, "oooh it's confidential, that makes it fine then!"

Steve scowled again, "state secrets cannot be passed on to unauthorized individuals-"

"Then you’re in luck because sharks don’t speak English. They cant understand you anyway-"

Steve rolled his eyes again and stood up. Usually he would storm out of these arguments, but for some reason he could never stand leaving Danny when they were arguing. He didn’t like knowing that Danny was actually mad at him. Ever.

"Where you going?!" Danny demanded.

"To the kitchen, where it's quiet!" Steve huffed.

"Fine, you can bring me another beer on the way back!"

"Only if it'll shut you up!"

"Bring it and find out!"

Steve stomped over to the kitchen to find the beers that Danny kept for the two of them in his fridge. When he slammed the door shut again, his eye fell on the picture being held on by an "I Love NJ" Magnet. It was a drawing Grace had made at school. She had been learning about cultural identity, and how important it was to remember your ancestors and your ohana. As part of that, Grace had to draw a picture of her family as it currently stood. Included was anyone who felt important to her life. Anyone she considered her ohana.

She was in the middle, of course. On her left was Rachel, with carefully drawn straight brown lines that she had clearly measured with a ruler. Beside Rachel was Stan, talking on his phone as usual. At their feet was a brownish grey doodle that he assumed was supposed to be their dog. On Grace's right was Danny, with carefully managed blonde hair, right down to the brown streaks that made it pop.

Now in Steve's mind, that's where he thought her ohana ended. She had a mother, a father, and a step father. A family unit that did not include him, no matter how fond he was of her. But this picture was drawn by Grace.

To Danny's right were four figures. The furthest way, big and round and grinning wider than anyone else on the page, was Kamekona. Beside him, a little closer to the middle, was Chin. He had his trademark Hawaiian shirt on that Grace had clearly copied from a photo because Steve had seen him wear that exact shirt. Close to him was a happy looking woman with black curves in her hair and a surfboard in her hand that popped up behind the next figure that had clearly been drawn first, was Kono.

But right beside Danny, closest to Grace after her own father, was Steve.

He knew it was him because he had a green shirt with "NAVY" written across it and brown shorts on. She had drawn him smiling, just like everyone else but Stan.

And it floored Steve.

His eye trailed across each of the figures in turn before settling back down on himself and Danny beside him. The figures on the paper had a mark beside them where their hand crossed. Steve had no idea if it was deliberate or if it was simply because Grace had run out of space. Either way it made his heart beat little faster.

"What's taking so long, you climbing out the window or something?" Danny called.

Steve's chest ached again, but in a whole new way. If it was deliberate, then maybe Grace could see how desperately Steve wanted Danny. If Grace - an actual child, one he saw maybe once a month at best - could see how he felt, why wasn’t Danny getting the message?

Steve handed him a beer and took his seat beside him again. Danny smirked as he took it.

"Finally. I thought you'd got lost in there, I was about to call for back up!"

He was joking, of course. If that wasn’t obvious enough alone, the way he laughed made it clear he was joking. But even so, Steve's heart beat harder.

" _You’re_ my back up Danno," He said, firmly, "never let me down before."

He watched keenly as Danny drank from his bottle. The moment his response burst into his mind was instant, but his mouth was too full of beer to speak, so he had to swallow before talking. Whatever he said was lost completely on Steve. Steve's eyes were fixed on the beer drops still lingering on Danny's lips. He snatched his eyes away before Danny could catch him.

"There's a uh... there's a drawing on the fridge," Steve said.

Danny nodded, "yeah that's monkey's. It was a school project but I like it. Brightens the place up."

"There's a guy from the navy in it," Steve said, slowly, as if maybe Danny hadn’t noticed that before.

Danny side eyed him as he swallowed another gulp of beer before nodding, slowly and pointedly. "Yes there is. It's almost as if she has an uncle that used to be in the navy or something."

Steve licked his lips. He wasn't stupid. He knew Danny was being sarcastic. It was just that Steve had felt so adrift for so long that he hadn't ever considered how someone like Grace might think of him as family. It had been so long since he felt like he had one...

"She sees me as an uncle?"

Danny frowned. He had no idea if Steve was really this dense or if he was joking in some weird way or something. It was mildly concerning.

"Yeah? You're Uncle Steve right? What else is she gonna think of you as? Seriously Steve what's going on, you’re being weirder than usual!"

Steve could not wrap his head around the barrier that seemed to be between him and Danny. To Steve, he had just discovered that he had a family. He had people who actually cared about him. People who loved him enough to draw him in detail as part of their family. To commit it to paper. As a man who's last interaction with his actual biological family was hearing them shot dead down the phone while hundreds of miles away and utterly helpless to stop it, it was daunting. To Danny, who had bound these people to himself and his daughter as the only family he had on this island, it was as blindingly obvious as the sky being blue.

Which meant that Danny could not wrap his head around the way that Steve was staring at him like he had suddenly grown too heads. Danny couldn't know for sure, but he wasn't certain that Steve was still breathing. Whatever was going on with him, it was deeply concerning.

Steve couldn't find it in him to make Danny understand. No matter what he tried, he couldn't understand. Maybe Danny just couldn't hear him. Maybe he was just listening to the sound of Steve aching, and wondering what it was. Maybe the message wasn't getting through.

But he was the only one who could see when Steve was hurting. He was the only one who ever really tried to help. And Danny had never let him down before...

"Freddie."

Steve said it so simply. As if one word would explain everything and Danny would instantly understand how Steve was feeling and why. But Danny just looked confused.

"It's Danny actually," he corrected.

Steve then looked confused for a moment. The two of them waited for an explanation from the other to help them understand. Steve broke first.

"Earlier, when you asked me what I was thinking about... I was thinking about my friend Freddie..."

Danny's face changed. To him, this was a sudden and peculiar moment. For seemingly no reason whatsoever, Steve had decided to open up. Instead of questioning why, Danny just sat up.

"Okay? What about him? He okay?"

"Not really, he's dead."

Danny furrowed his brow, lifted his chin, and slowly sucked in his lips as he found himself utterly baffled all over again.

"I tell you what," he decided, "why don't you just talk, and I'll let you know when I understand what the hell you're talking about, how’s that?"

Steve closed his eyes and sighed. Maybe Danny was right. Maybe the only way to shift the weight off of his shoulders was to tell someone about it. And Freddie was a lot of weight to carry.

"When I was in basic training Freddie and I were in the same squadron. We didn't have much to do with each other then but... but Thanksgiving came around... everyone had a home to go to. Except my dad and I weren't on speaking terms because- well. Anyway, I didn’t have anywhere to go, and Freddie didn't want me to be alone. He asked me to go to his family dinner with him. He said it would be okay because I could be a buffer between him and his mom so she wouldn't fuss over him so much..."

"Sounds like my ma," Danny smiled softly.

Steve gave a weak smile. He hadn't meant Danny's mother yet but it didn’t surprise him that she fussed over her kids like he fussed over Grace. That's what normal parents did. At least Steve assumed so. He didn’t really have anyone to compare them to.

"When we got there, honestly, I was nervous. Turning up to a strangers place for the holidays, its not exactly something I'm comfortable with," Steve said.

"Especially not one where you have to be grateful," Danny smiled.

"Yeah. But when I walked in, it was like I'd been coming to their Thanksgiving all my life, y’know? His mom gave me a hug, his nieces were climbing all over me so I'd come play tea party with them-" Steve smiled at the memory but Danny sat up.

"Wait, wait - the great Steve McGarrett played tea party?!" He grinned.

Steve felt his cheeks heat up slightly, "Shut up Danny."

"I'm not judging, I'm just surprised," Danny promised, "you don’t strike me as the tea party type."

"Well I did," Steve huffed.

Danny grinned. He had played tea parties with Grace when she was a toddler, going as far as letting her dress him up in pink feather boas and plastic tiaras. Imagining Steve indulging a child in the same way was deeply endearing.

"Can I carry on?" Steve asked drily.

Danny nodded, "Of course."

"Thank you," Steve stated. He sighed. "Anyway, uh... they made me feel like one of the family. And when Freddie was off doing the dishes with his mom, me and his dad shared a bottle of scotch. He was telling me how proud he was of Freddie because he was gonna be a SEAL... I've never..."

Danny's mouth slowly gaped as he realised what Steve wasn't saying. In all the time Danny had known him, Steve had dedicated himself to uncovering his fathers secrets. All this time Danny assumed it was to get some belated form of closure, but maybe he was wrong. Maybe Steve was a still just hopelessly trying to make his father proud of him. Now he would never know for sure if he'd managed it.

Steve cleared his throat as he pretended to scratch his nose and definitely not wipe away a tear. "So when we were in BUDs and Freddie wanted to quit before we even got to hell week, I wouldn't let him. I wanted to help him make his dad proud. And I did. I went back to Thanksgiving and Christmas with Freddie every year, right up until..." Steve swallowed and blinked hard to try and unblur his eyes. "Right up until I had to tell his pregnant wife that he wasn't coming home. He never even met his daughter and... and it's my fault. I could have picked anyone to partner with me on that mission... I didn't know he had married her... I didn't know she was pregnant... I didn’t..."

Steve's voice shook slightly and it shot a bolt of protectiveness straight through Danny's chest. His hand reached out to rest on Steve's knee. The arm was to he reassuring, but he squeezed a little too hard in his own protectiveness.

"Steve this isn't your fault. That was the job that you both picked. That was the job," he implored.

Steve's hand brushed against Danny's as he momentarily considered squeezing it back. But it made his chest ache and he just couldn't bare it.

"I know..."

It felt like a dull jolt through him. Logically he knew Danny was right. It was the job. If he hadn't picked Freddie to help him, he would have picked someone else, and maybe both of them would have died out there. And Freddie knew the risks as well as Steve had. He made his choice. He chosen to sacrifice himself for Steve. That was why Steve survived. But he couldn't help the guilt.

"Korea is negotiating a trade at the moment. They're going to hand over his remains in exchange for some of theirs. He might finally get a proper funeral. They... We might finally get some closure."

Danny nodded along as he quietly listened. He took a deep breath as his hand slipped from Steve's knee. There was a sudden chill there when Danny took his hand away.

"So you've been thinking about a lot more than nothing," he gave a soft smile.

Steve gave a weak shrug, "I guess."

"Alright. How can I help?"

Steve blinked. He tilted his head cautiously towards Danny. "Help?"

"Yeah," Danny said firmly. He was smirking again. "Don't get me wrong, I draw the line at flying to Korea for you again, unless you get your idiot self stuck over there again-"

"I don't need to go there Danny, I just need to be there for the exchange," Steve said.

"Want company?" Danny offered, pointedly.

Steve missed the point in his tone, "Cath's gonna be there."

Danny's face fell. "Oh. Catherine. Right."

Steve missed the chill in his voice as well. He noticed the slightly put out look on his face though, but he didn't understand why. It wasn’t his choice. If it were down to him, Steve would much rather have Danny there. But Catherine was navy too. That's why she had been chosen. Well, not exactly chosen. She had forced her way onto the mission to support Steve before Danny even got a chance.

Maybe that was why Danny looked so disappointed now...

"But... uh... thank you Danny. Means a lot," Steve muttered.

Danny looked up in surprise. It wasn’t often that Steve thanked him for anything, even if he was clearly very grateful for it. Steve looked a little disappointed himself. Danny's chest softened. Steve didn't have many people left to support him. He couldn't let Catherine get in the way. Danny nudged their knees together.

"Hey. To Freddie."

Steve smiled softly. He raised his bottle to tap against Danny's. "To Freddie."

It was the smallest action he could do to honour his friend, but it meant everything to Steve. Freddie was the closest person he had to family before leaving the Navy, and now he had Danny and Grace and Five-O... He couldn't imagine living without him. Steve watched him thoughtfully he drank his beer.

"You would have liked Freddie," Steve said.

Danny snorted, "I doubt that very much. I've met your SEAL friends, they’re too much like you."

"You like me!" Steve grinned.

"Occasionally!" Danny smirked.

Steve laughed. There were still tears stinging the corners of his eyes, but his chest didn't feel so heavy anymore. Not with Danny shouldering the weight. Danny was right. It was better to talk. Maybe one day he would even hear him.


	3. Is A Poor Man Rich In Solitude?

Hawaii was not exactly a stranger to a thunderstorm. When he was a kid, Steve had loved watching them. He and Mary had once sat on the beach, watching the way that the clouds brewed through greys and blues and purple hues until they grew black and moody. Mary's eyes always lit up in wonder when the lightning bolts cracked the sky apart, but she clung tighter to Steve when the thunder crashed around them. She didn't like the booming noise that seemed to echo forever. Never had. But with Steve with her, she was brave enough to stay on the beach and watch with him. Right up until Doris hurried out to scoop them up and carry them inside out of the pelting rain. Steve could still remember her warm smile as she found the warmest towels to wrap around him. Then she made popcorn, and all three of them sat under the shelter of the lalani to watch the weather together.

But that was a life time ago now.

The booming echoed around him, like grenades throw across rubble villages. The lightning filled the sky like a landmine set off far too close for comfort. The ground rumbled for both. With the static in the air, Steve's stomach was queasy. Even the warmest towels couldn't warm the chill in his bones anymore.

Steve turned up the volume on the tv just to drown it out. The voices and canned laughter made him feel a little less alone. A little less exposed. A little less like a sitting duck...

Part of him considered phoning for help. He thought about phoning someone to come and distract him from the smell of gunpowder he was certain was too real to be imaginary. But it was Grace's weekend with Danny, Chin was busy trying to figure out Gabriel's next move, Kono was busy planning her wedding and Catherine was God knows where. No one was coming to save him, so Steve would have to do what he did best and get through this alone.

Steve bolted upright at the sudden sound of hammering on his front door.

"What kind of idiot is out in this weather?"

Steve spoke to no one, to give the illusion that he wasn’t all by himself in this big old empty house. It didn’t deter the unexpected visitor. Steve eyed the gun case hidden under his floorboards. If they realised that his door was unlocked then it was better to be close to the gun for easier access. Of course if they were armed, it would be too late...

The door handle twisted and Steve's heart thundered. He made a move towards the gun case but it was too late.

Grace went racing into the middle of the room, all wrapped up in a rain proof jacket and hat that made her look like a little blue coastguard. She left a trail of puddles behind her as the rain dripped onto the floor. Danny slammed the front door loudly, although it might have been helped by the wind. Steve stared at them both in wonder.

"You would _not believe_ the day I'm having!" Danny declared.

He kicked his shoes off and hung up his own raincoat as if he had just arrived home from work like any other day. He had to practically hold Grace down to try and get her coat off of her. She was eager to run to the kitchen and watch the rain through Steve's huge windows in there. As soon as her shoes were off, Danny let her go. She made a beeline for the kitchen while her father hung up her clothes.

"Sorry about the puddles, I can clean them up if you've got any towels?" Danny said.

He finally looked up to Steve and saw the look of alarmed confusion on his face. Danny's shoulders fell slightly.

"I'm uh, I'm not interrupting anything right?" He asked.

Danny had lost track of how many times Catherine skipped in and out of Steve's life like a yo-yo. She could easily be here and he would suddenly be unwanted.

"Uh no. No, nothing," Steve practically choked on his words.

He was dazed. In the space of ten seconds he had gone from all on his own reliving battles he never wanted to think about again, to watching his best friend and niece traipse water across his living room floor. But Danny's face flooded with relief and some of it spilt into Steve.

"Great! I thought, with the TV up so loud that you couldn’t hear Gracie knocking then maybe you had company-"

"No. No company."

No one. Not a single person to distract him from the battles raging inside his head. Not until the moment Danny walked through his front door.

"Great... um..." Danny glanced towards the kitchen to check on Grace. She was far too busy watching the storm to hear him. Even so, he moved closer to Steve and lowered his voice just in case. "So I need a favour."

"A favour?" Steve repeated.

He still hadn't fully gotten it into his head that Danny was actually here. That he wasn’t imagining this one. Sometimes his imagination was too vivid and it fooled him painfully, and Danny had been just the person he was hoping would walk in. It seemed too perfect to be a coincidence. Danny didn’t even hesitate.

"Yeah Steve, a favour. See we were at my apartment when the storm started and Grace likes storms, I don’t know why, this water does nothing for my hair, it'll absolutely kill it, but whatever, I love my daughter, so when she asks if she can open the door to watch from the balcony I said sure. Next thing I know there’s a puddle in my living room, it gets into a plug socket and bam! All my powers gone."

"You caused a black out?"

"Yeah and my landlord isn't exactly the friendly type and I don't want Grace seeing me and him yell at each other like savages and I really don’t want to take her back to Rachel and see _us_ yell at each other, so I figured you wouldn't mind some company for a while? I know it's last minute and you're probably busy-"

"Danny, Danny, Danny, stop! Look, okay -"

Steve gripped Danny's shoulder to check if he was real. His eyes shone to realise that this was definitely flesh and blood. Danny was really here, and he was really asking to stay with Steve all through this storm. It was all he could do to control his grin and make it seem like a casual shrug to hide the way his heart was skipping.

"My house is your house. I told you, you can stay for as long as you want. Grace too."

Danny heaved a sigh of relief and smiled like Steve had just saved his life. Steve smiled back. Danny might have just saved his.

"Thank you. I'm serious, thank you for this, you're a life saver."

"It's nothing man, I like having you guys over."

"Hey Grace! Uncle Steve says we can stay, that sound good?" Danny called.

Steve looked up towards the kitchen to grin at Grace, just in time to be blinded by a hot white bolt that was just a little too close to the house. He tensed up like a statue. His heart stopped. He waited for the boom.

But before it could come the sound of giddy laughter rang through his ears. Grace was thrilled. She bounced as she grinned at them, "WOW DID YOU SEE THAT?!" 

"I sure did," Danny nodded. He turned to speak to Steve, and noticed the haunted look in his eyes and the tension in his shoulders. Danny's smile faded. "Steve?"

Steve dragged his eyes away from the kitchen towards Danny. It took him a moment for his sight to focus and recognise the man in front of him. In that time Danny's frown deepened.

"Steve you're not okay. What is it? Is it the noise?"

"I'm... I'm fine..."

"Bullshit."

"I'm-"

"You're a mess."

Steve swallowed as the thunder rumbled around them and he felt his bones shake again. The electricity in the air made the hair on his arms stand up, and made him feel so, so cold. He shivered. Danny wasn’t having any of it.

"What's causing this, the thunder or the lightning?"

"Um... both?"

"Alright, lemme just close the curtains, we'll turn on all the lights so we don’t notice the lighting, put the TV on, and watch a movie. Loudly. One of Grace's movies, nothing violent or explosive. How's that sound?"

Steve swallowed. He didn't want to pretend that he was okay when he wasn't. He couldn't anyway. Danny knew him too well. 

"Hey Grace? Have you told Uncle Steve about your new aloha girls badge yet?"

Grace looked up at her father. He waved a hand to beckon her over. Grace looked back towards the window again, reluctant to move away from the storm. Danny cleared his throat and gave her a look that she knew well. It was a silent urge to just do as he said without asking questions. She had seen it often when there was danger around and he couldn't be upfront. Grace frowned. It was only the three of them there and Uncle Steve was far from dangerous. No questions though, like always, so Grace went hurrying over to them.

Once Grace was keeping an eye on him, Danny squeezed his arm and moved away. Steve's heart thumped.

"You uh, you, you got a new badge?" He muttered.

"Uh huh!"

Grace hopped up onto the couch and Steve tentatively sat beside her. He listened, focusing on her words as much as he could to drown out the noise outside. Grace told him all about the badge she had gotten, how she got it, what else happened while they were doing their activities, how Kamekona had volunteered to help them and enjoyed it enough to become a troop leader - the image of Kamekona in a purple troop uniform and hat made Steve bite his lip to keep from laughing. Danny glanced up as he tugged down the blinds in the kitchen to smile proudly. Grace was helping her Uncle in a way she would never understand and he would never forget. He felt a rush of affection for both of them.

Once all the lights were on and the outside world was very firmly shut out and the puddles they have brought in with them were dried up with a towel he then left in the laundry basket, Danny rubbed his hands together eagerly.

"Alright! Movie time!"

"It cant be movie time Danno, we don’t have popcorn!" Grace argued.

"Doris used to keep popcorn kernels in the cupboard beside the fridge. There might still be some in there," Steve offered.

"We're not eating decades old popcorn Steve. I brought some with us to eat," Danny said.

"I'll grab a bowl," Grace declared.

She slid off of the couch and moved towards the kitchen. Steve twisted to watch her go. His bowls were kept in the cupboard high on the wall above the chopping boards, and Grace was only little.

"Can you reach?" He asked.

Grace grinned madly, "Yeah, watch!"

Danny gave a knowing chuckle as he settled down into the couch beside Steve. Steve watched with interest as Grace hopped onto her toes and threw her arms in the air. She threw her arms down onto the side in front of her and jumped at the same time, twisting her hips to sit on the side, before immediately climbing to her feet and turning again. In the blink of an eye she was standing in front of the cupboard holding an empty bowl and beaming. Steve blinked. Beside him, Danny chuckled warmly.

"Grace has joined cheerleading," he said, pointedly.

That cleared everything up instantly. Grace jumped off of the side and hurried back into the room. Steve smiled at her.

"Good, cheerleading is great exercise, you're gonna be so fit and healthy you'll like to be a hundred!" He said.

"What about Danno? He's fit and healthy too," Grace said.

Steve's chest froze up. He knew that at any other time of any other day he would make some lame joke implying that Danny's stress or his bad diet was going to kill him tomorrow, and if it didn’t Steve would kill him himself, but not today. Not right now. Because the truth of it was that he couldn't stand to live in a world without Danny Williams in it.

"Danno's gonna live forever," Steve said, firmly.

Grace giggled, "You're silly! No one lives forever!"

"You tell him Gracie!" Danny smirked, What'd we call silly people in Jersey?"

Grace pushed her full palm against Steve's chest to push him playfully, _"Goof!"_

"That's my girl!" Danny beamed.

Steve's heart beat again, underneath Grace's hand. He scooped her up, making her squeal, and dropped her down into his lap to tickle her. She squealed and giggled madly, until she hiccupped. The look of shock on her face made Steve's heart grow two sizes.

"You two are both goofballs," Danny said firmly. "Put the child down and put a movie on."

"What movie dyou wanna watch Grace?" Steve grinned.

Grace shifted to sit up on his knee and looked towards the TV, "Hic- um... Shrek."

"Alright, Shrek it is," Danny declared.

Steve had no idea what Shrek was. He had heard of it in passing but it wasn’t exactly the kind of movie he watched voluntarily.

"Shrek?" He muttered to Danny.

"Mmm. Because what little girl doesn’t want to grow up to marry an ogre?" Danny hummed dubiously.

Steve stared at him. Danny was more put out by the idea of Grace watching a movie about a princess marrying an ogre than anything else that had happened tonight. He didn’t bat an eyelid when it came to rescuing Steve from the thunderstorm outside. Like it was nothing. He didn't know how he had grounded Steve. He didn't see that he was yet again Steve's knight in shining Kevlar.

Danny couldn't see that he was everything Steve needed.

Danny felt Steve’s eyes burning into him and turned his head to see why. Steve was staring at him, almost wondrously. Danny frowned. "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Steve realised in that moment why John had always struggled to tell him he loved him. Proving it with actions and showing it with gifts and hoping they would hear it when it was so deeply screaming in your chest and understand... it wasn't good enough. But saying the words felt impossible. They carried so much weight. Too much for three little words to possibly convey. And Steve couldn't do it.

"Seriously, what are you staring at?! Do I have to slap you?"

"I'm just... I'm really glad you're here Danno."

Danny smiled back at him. He thought for a second that he understood what Steve was really saying. That maybe Steve felt it too, somewhere deep down inside. But Danny's anxieties were always playing tricks on him about things like this. And there was too much at stake if he was wrong. So he swallowed the words in his smile and said:

"I think you'll like this movie. It's pretty much the story of you and Catherine."

"Are you calling me an ogre?" Steve smiled.

"Of course not," Danny smirked, "You're an animal. There's a difference."

Steve laughed, because there was so much to say and a laugh covered enough of it. Whatever it didn’t cover, he said by slinging an arm around him, and tugging him closer. Grace shifted in Steve's lap to lean against him better. His arm tugged her a little closer too so he could press a kiss into her hair.

If this was what a family was meant to be, Steve could finally understand why people were so desperate to get back to theirs.

...

Steve wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep - he had never really been able to sleep when the TV was on - but he woke up to find Danny resting his head on his arm, snoring. Steve's heart fluttered. He stayed as still as he could to keep from disturbing Danny, but he dared to rest his head against his. The smell of his shampoo filled Steve's nose and warmed his chest. Danny was heavy and warm pressed up against Steve. If they could stay like that forever, he would.

But there was an absence that caught Steve's attention and made him frown.

Grace was nowhere to be seen.

Steve listened out for the familiar sound of the plumbing in the walls to figure out if she was just in the bathroom. The sound never came. But there was a chill in the air.

The back door was wide open and the cold air had found its way in.

Steve's mind instantly went to the worst case scenario. If someone had come in, if someone had taken Grace, if they had done it right under Steve and Danny's noses - Steve couldn't imagine it. He wouldn't. Grace had already been kidnapped once, they just couldn’t go through that again.

Steve licked his lips cautiously. He didn’t want to leave Danny when he was looking so comfortable for a change, but he had to find Grace. Danny could not know she was missing. So he gently peeled Danny away from him and eased him down onto the cushions behind him instead.

Without Danny's warmth, Steve shivered. The storm had thankfully passed and the sunlight was streaming in, but the breeze was still cold. This was the only way they could have gotten in.

Steve's stomach almost hit the floor when he found Grace sitting on the steps on the lalani looking out across the garden.

"Grace!" He sighed, relieved. She raised her head. He hauled himself down to sit beside her. "You shouldn't wander off like that, I was worried."

"Uncle Steve, look!" Grace pointed up at the sky.

Steve looked up, curiously. His eyes widened. The blue of the sky was washed out by the rain, and clear of clouds for a change. The sea was calm, but the churned up beds made it wild and grey. Above it, a rainbow arched across the island. The colours were vivid and bold and breath-taking. Steve had always had a soft spot for rainbows.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Grace beamed.

Steve smiled softly at the wonder in her voice, "Sure it Grace face. Gorgeous."

"This is my favourite part of the storm. Everything's all peaceful now," she smiled.

Steve gazed around in wonder beside her. None of this was strange or new to him anymore. Steve had seen thousands of rainbows and lived throughout hundreds of storms. They had soured in his mind. But seeing the world through Grace's was different. It was fresh. Innocent.

Steve could use a little more innocence in his life.

"You hungry?" He nudged her knee with his own, "I can make pancakes."

Grace grinned, "Yeah!"

Steve smiled back. He took her hand and lead her back inside the house for a pancake breakfast now that the storm had passed.


	4. You Want To Know What's Right

Steve had watched from the doorway as Danny stared at the new-borns behind the window. He hadn't seen him look so broken before. The way his shoulders heaved, and his back muscles were tight. He practically rested his forehead against the glass as he stared at Charlie.

Charlie was the smallest bundle of joy that Steve had ever seen. He wasn’t around babies much in the Navy. Apart from Mary, he hadn't actually held a new-born before. He was dying to. Charlie looked so tiny and delicate and precious. One look and both Danny and Steve knew they would love him forever. But he wasn't either of theirs to love.

Back then Steve hadn’t had the words to offer Danny. He didn’t have any words at all. All he had to offer were actions, like buying dinner for a change. Or giving him somewhere to stay when he needed it. Or flying to Colombia to help him pay the ransom for his brother.

And now Danny was looking even more broken than when Charlie was born.

It was a strange kind of circle, Steve thought to himself. They had seen life begin with Charlie's first breath, but history unfolded against them and now both Marco and Matty were dead. Or maybe they were so surrounded by death at all times that they should never have expected this to go any different.

Except this was different.

This was personal. Cold blooded. Unjustifiable. This, put simply, was murder.

If they had their time over again, Steve would have taken the shot. At least that's what he tried to tell himself. He would have been the one to kill Marco on Danny's behalf. Then maybe he wouldn't look so racked with regrets.

Steve tried to find enough words to string a sentence together. Any sentence. Anything to break the torturous tension hanging across the fuselage. There was only the two of them - and technically Matty - in here. He had to say _something._ But nothing felt good enough.

"Y’know uh..." Steve's voice echoed in the hollowness of the plane. "For what it's worth I think you did a good thing. With the money, I mean not the... St Joseph Casa de los Niños needs all the money it can get."

Danny didn’t even react. It was as if he was in his own world right now, which Steve couldn't blame him for. He sighed. He had no idea how to help. He didn’t even know if he could. Steve only had one sibling but if anyone ever laid a finger on her - he hated seeing Danny go through this alone.

"It was stupid."

Steve glanced up at the sound of Danny's voice. Danny hadn’t moved at all. He was still frozen, staring into space just above the floor like he had been moments ago. For a second Steve thought he had imagined it, but then Danny shifted and frowned harder.

"It was a stupid thing to do. Chin got that money from God knows where, I should have taken the money back to him-"

"Hey, hey, no. No way. You think Chin would have accepted it? However he got that money, I promise you, its not a return the money and everything's forgotten type situation okay? All that would happen is that bad people would have more money and Chin would still be on the line so forget that. It's doing more good at the orphanage."

Steve was utterly convinced of that. He knew it, deep in his heart. The children in that orphanage were going to be far more grateful for the money than even Chin would be. They didn’t know it was blood money. Ignorance, in this case, was bliss.

Knowledge definitely wasn't.

Danny stared into space as he shook his head sadly, "He was Grace's favourite Uncle. From the moment she could crawl she was always crawling towards him whenever he was around. She said he was the coolest... how am I gonna tell her?"

"You've been a cop for years Danny. A good cop. You've delivered bad news before," Steve assured him.

"Not to my daughter! She's gonna be devastated!" Danny argued.

Danny's sharpness echoed off of the metal again and struck Steve twice. He couldn’t save Matty, but maybe he could save Danny from that pain at least.

"If you want I can do it-"

"No. No... it has to come from me..."

Steve said nothing to argue. Danny sighed. He closed his eyes and bowed his head. Steve could see the way his muscles twitched as he ripped himself apart from the insides. Steve sat there, unable to help, feeling useless.

"How am ever gonna look her in the eye again?" Danny's voice shook.

"She won't be angry just because her uncle's dead. She wont blame you-" Steve assured him.

"Not because of Matty because of Marco!" Danny snapped, "How am... how can I look that perfect little angel in the eye and tell her how to do the right thing and not to let people get the better of her when I shot a man in the head today?"

Steve shook his head, "You were provoked-"

"That's not good enough."

Steve closed his mouth. That was all he had. If it wasn't good enough, he really didn’t know what else he could say. It didn’t seem to matter though, because now the silence was broken, Danny was the one who filled it.

"I've always told her to use her words. I've always... I've always told her violence never solves anything... I've told _you_ that! After all of your grenades and all of your fucking shark cages and - and the moment someone pushes me I do _this!"_

Danny threw his arms helplessly into the air above his head. He raised his chin to glance over and check if Steve was still listening. His eye moved past him and settled on the oil drum at the end of the fuselage. He snatched his eyes away as another wave of anger and devastation rocked through him.

There wasn’t any respect. No dignity. They didn’t even have a coffin.

"I'm not sorry he's dead. I just..."

Danny sighed heavily. He didn’t have an end to that sentence. None of them felt like they fit. Maybe it was Danny. Maybe he didn’t fit anymore. He didn’t feel like he did.

"How do you do it?" Danny muttered.

Steve blinked. "Do what?"

"How do you cope knowing how many people we've killed?"

Steve's heart buckled at the edges. That was a heavy question. One he never had a satisfying answer to. The truth was that he didn’t have a choice. It was move forward or die. Kill or be killed. That was Steve's life. It didn’t leave room for coping.

"We have to forgive ourselves Danny, because no one else is ever going to forgive us."

Danny frowned. He had been on this planet for almost four decades and not once did he forgive himself. There was always someone else who granted that.

"Maybe we're unforgivable," Danny muttered.

Steve's chest twanged. Long buried secrets made him agree, but he couldn't say that. Not to Danny. Not now.

"No one's unforgivable."

Danny tilted his head quietly. "God forgives anyone who repents. At least that's what Ma always said..."

"You're forgivable Danny," Steve insisted, "I forgive you."

Danny have a half hearted chuckle, "No matter what you think Steve, you're not a God."

Steve didn’t have a response for that. He just trailed away, looking down at his shoes. Steve had never really been sure about forgiveness. He tried to justify his actions mentally. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t his choice. But maybe that didn’t matter to God. Murder was a sin. No matter the circumstances. Deep down he had accepted that. God would never forgive his actions. Santa had blacklisted him.

But none of them mattered, if Danny could forgive him. But he couldn't forgive him, if he didn’t know why he needed forgiveness. Steve bowed his head.

"It's not easy..."

Danny dragged his gaze across to Steve. Steve didn’t meet his eyes. This was easier if they didn’t have to see each other. Especially since he knew Danny was listening. Danny was always listening.

"Living every day, knowing how much blood I've got on my hands, keeping a million army secrets - it's not easy. But it's up to me - up to us, to keep going. Because the people we kill don't give us a choice. They're dangerous people. The world is safer without them in it... it's a heavy burden... one I wouldn't wish on anyone... but that's why we have police therapists right? To help us make peace with our actions? To make the load a little easier?"

Danny was so tired. So, so tired. The guilt weighed on him at all times, but this one was too much. He could justify having to kill while working - he had to justify it. The amount of paperwork it took to explain why it was the only course of action possible was as heavy as the guilt that he carried with him afterwards. But this time it was a choice. There were other options. He could have walked away.

He should have walked away.

And he couldn’t exactly tell a police therapists about any of this because every single aspect was illegal. From the moment he let Matty step onto that plane and become a fugitive, to entering a foreign land without permission, to using illegally obtained money to bribe a drug lord to get his brother back, to shooting him dead. With his friends involvement too intricate to be withheld, if he went down, they would too.

So Danny would have to keep this secret to the grave.

"Is this your way of telling me you're finally getting help?"

Steve had been in enough interrogations to recognise when someone was changing the subject before it cut too close. He didn't particularly like this subject either, but he humoured Danny.

"Lou goes to meetings down in the community centre. He mentioned bumping into some marine who was going to a meeting for soldiers. I figured... maybe you were right and maybe I should check it out. Coffee sucks but... but it's good to know you’re not alone."

There was a long silence that felt like a month slowly seeping past. Danny eyed Steve quietly. The exhaustion and the grief and the regret were weighing heavily in his heart. The one that ached hard for Steve.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

Steve frowned, confused, "What for?"

"For... for fucking everything! For all of this! I'm sorry you're even here..."

Danny groaned as his chest heaved. He shouldn’t be here. He was nothing to do with this. He had only met Matty once, this was not Steve's responsibility. Yet here he was. On a military jet he had pulled strings to get, in bullet proof gear he had borrowed to protect them, alive because he had been there to back him up.

This was nothing to do with Steve, but Danny could never have done it without him.

Steve just stared at him, still visually confused. "Now _that's_ stupid. I’m sorry but it is! If you thought for even one minute that I wasn’t about to fly out here after you even if you refused to let me come, you're crazy. We're _partners_ Danny. partners. More than that, you’re my best friend and I love..."

Steve's eyes widened as his head caught up with his heart and screamed at him for almost slipping up. Thankfully Danny didn’t seem to notice.

"I'm always going to be here if you want me or not."

Danny's aching heart was in no way prepared to deal with this. Not today. He chose to believe that Steve had said it flippantly, like they had gotten into the habit of since that building fell on them. He could not be confessing anything real at a time like this, could he?

Either way, Steve was the only safety net that Danny had right now, and he couldn't stand the idea of him leaving him in this plane when it landed.

"Does..."

Danny almost stopped himself there. It felt like a childish request. He should be able to be alone with a body, that was part of the job. But not this body. Not his brother.

"Does that mean you'll wait with me for the plane to refuel before I take Matty home?"

Steve just shrugged like it was an every day request. The answer to him was obvious, "Of course."

Danny chest squeezed and he felt a hot tear sting at his eyes. The relief ran through him so fast it almost hurt.

"Thank you... I don't... I don't really want to be alone..."

"You're not alone. I promise."

Danny's eye moved back towards the oil drum. Steve felt his heart cracking like dam that was just holding too much back. He swallowed the ball down in his throat as his eyes traced Danny's face. He looked so lost. Only a few feet away, but so far out of reach. Steve looked towards the oil drum too.

Maybe this was all they were. Just lost souls blindly seeking love and forgiveness in dark caves without torches. Things they would never find if they couldn’t find each other. If they kept losing people they loved...

Steve looked back at Danny. He had sunk back down in his seat and closed his eyes. He was exhausted. The dark circles under his eyes betrayed him. The splatters of dried blood across his shirt and on his neck, they were the reason. The world was laying heavy on Danny and there was nothing Steve could do to help.

And it was killing him.

...

There were chairs just a few feet to the left, but it was too far for Danny to walk. His legs weren't working. They couldn't hold him up. He crashed against the wall and slid down it until he hit the floor. He stared straight ahead, and just ached.

He couldn’t even cry.

Danny had bottled up all his tears over the last few days while planning the funeral from his mother's house. She was completely untethered, wandering around the place like a zombie. Physically here but mentally just floating free. His sisters were a mess. They, their partners and their kids had all come to stay with their parents, with Danny and Grace. The house was filled to the rafters, and yet it felt so empty. So cold. Usually if there were more than two Williams in one room you couldn’t hear yourself think, but today you could hear a pin drop.

And it hurt.

The silence was like a knife in his chest. Every time he moved he had to see someone else he loved looking so unlike themselves. Looking so lost. Just like he was. Danny hated it. He hated that he was the cause of it. If he had just pulled Matty out of that plane - if he hadn't left the city - if he had _been there..._ maybe Matty would be here now.

Through the wall he could hear his family singing. The low mourning prayer of a grieving family. One he couldn’t bare to face anymore. He could feel the crucifix on the wall glaring down at him. Accusing him. Demanding answers and excuses for his actions, as if he had any. As if he would ever have any.

Danny was hurt. He was angry. He lashed out to make the pain stop.

The pain didn’t stop.

And now he was on the cold stone floor of a house of God and he had never felt so far from him.

Danny closed his eyes and rested his head against his knees. There wasn’t anyone here who knew. There wasn't anyone he could talk to. Not that his family wouldn’t understand. Some of them might even be proud. Uncle Vito would for sure. His father might even be quietly satisfied to know Marco had gotten what was coming to him. But he didn’t want their praise. He didn't want to see the look of horror he would get from Grace.

He just wanted to apologise.

He just wanted forgiveness.

Danny's phone beeped. He didn’t register his bodies movements as he answered the call. His mind was working on autopilot. It had been all week.

"Yeah?"

"Danny?"

Steve sounded surprised that he had answered. Why would he bother to call if he didn’t think Danny would answer? Danny sighed tiredly.

"What?"

"Nothin' man, I just... I was thinking about you going through today alone and I couldn't sleep. I didn't think you'd answer."

Danny registered the words but he didn’t fully understand them. It was still daytime. It was still light out. He wasn’t sure why Steve was struggling to sleep. Time zones didn’t exist to him, because nothing in the world outside of himself existed. But it was Steve. Steve knew things no one else did. Hearing his voice again made Danny feel closer to a tether than he had been in days.

"No one here knows I killed a man."

"They will if you say it out loud like that," Steve warned.

"I think I want them to."

"You don't."

"It would be easier if they knew."

"You'd be arrested. You'd lose Grace."

"I can't lose Grace. She's all I have."

Steve was quiet at the other end for a moment. Logically he knew that someone had to be here to manage Five-O in Danny's absence, but since the moment he stood up and walked out of the cargo bay door, Steve had been regretting it. He hated knowing that Grace had had to fly from Honolulu to JFK airport all by herself too, because Charlie couldn't fly and Rachel had to stay with him and Danny was already there.

It was an impossible situation to manage, and yet Steve was certain he should have been able to find a solution for it.

Steve was completely unaware of the impact his voice alone was having on Danny.

"My brother's gone Steve..." Danny felt the ball in his throat choke him as the tears finally formed in his eyes.

"I know bud. At least you get to lay him to rest in peace," Steve said.

Danny just choked. The tears came streaming down his face thick and fast. It made his head spin as he gagged for air.

"Alright, Danny, you need to get someone there to give you a hug okay? I need you to not be alone right now. I need you to find someone there who can help," Steve urged.

Danny didn’t want someone here. No one here understand. No one here could guide him out of this stupid dark cave he found himself in. He needed Steve. He wanted Steve. But Steve was hundreds of miles away.

"I can't... I can't do this..."

"You can Danny. You're strong. You survive me right?"

Despite himself Danny gave a watery laugh. It eased an anxious knot in Steve's chest slightly.

"Go get yourself a hug Danno. And give Gracie one from me. Tell her if she needs to talk - if either of you need to talk, I'm here."

Danny nodded. Not that Steve could see him. He just had faith that across the telephone signals, hundreds of miles away, Steve could sense it. Danny's throat was clogged with pent up sobs, but the three words formed in his chest, ready for Steve to hear.

They just never made it out.

Steve didn't get a goodbye before Danny hung up because Danny's father came stumbling through the doors searching for him. The moment he found him, crying on the floor, he fell to his knees and bundled him into his chest. Danny sobbed into his father until his lungs were burning for air.

Back in Hawaii, Steve put his phone down on his nightstand and gazed out of his bedroom window, towards the moonlit ocean. This island always felt a lot quieter without Danny. So much colder. It left Steve sleepless.


	5. I Don't Know If You Can

Danny dropped his head against the car window and sighed quietly to himself. He had been working under a cloud since the moment Steve opened that front door in Montana.

Months of worrying about Steve's safety - his mental wellbeing as well as his physical - had lead him to getting on a plane an hour after dropping Grace off with Rachel, and flying out without permission or warning.

Steve looked horrified to see him there. Danny tried not to take that personally. He put it down to the three months lacking in self care. Steve's beard was rough and unkempt, but the dried blood on his shirt was the real give away. He really didn’t care about how he looked. He really didn’t care about anything. Maybe that's why he hadn’t answered Danny's phone calls.

And then he saw _her._

And she was definitely the reason he wasn't answering the phone.

Three months stuck alone in Joe's old house not taking care of himself and stewing in his own shame that he couldn’t do the impossible and save someone that didn’t want saving was bad enough. Add Catherine into the mix, and this whole place was the perfect toxic wasteland for Steve to decay in.

The unfortunate victim of Steve's agonizing, brutal, and highly illegal interview techniques, definitely would.

"Why are you here?"

Steve had the audacity to sound annoyed. Three months he had been wasting away here, obsessing, with Catherine once again pretending to care about him and feeding his obsession, and _he_ was pissed at _Danny._ Danny licked his lips and pushed his fists down into his jacket pockets where they couldn’t do any harm.

"What the hell do you expect when you ignore me for three months? Dyou think I'd just give up on you?" Danny shot a dark and pointed glare in Catherine's directions, "that's not what friends do."

Catherine scoffed bitterly. She knew why Danny was here. It was the same reason he had always turned up out of the blue and eaten away the precious little time she had up spend with Steve between missions. The same reason he gave her that sanctimonious speech about not leaving Steve again after she came back from Nepal. It was the same reason Steve woke up in Nepal to find Danny by his bed instead of her.

Because Danny had cast himself as the precious little angel on Steve's shoulder, and made her the devil.

And Catherine resented the accuracy.

"Always good to see you Danny," she smiled, sweetly.

Danny didn't offer such niceties. He just looked back at Steve. The man had lost so much weight that his clothes were hanging off him. He had bags under his eyes and someone else’s blood on his face. He was in SEAL mode. In his mind he was on a mission. He wasn’t about to stop until he had his revenge. Danny could see it written across his face. His shoulders sagged and his stomach dropped, but he knew in his heart that he wouldn't change Steve's mind. Which left him with only one option.

"So what are we doing here?" He asked.

Steve tensed. His eyes followed Danny around the room. Danny sat down on the least bloodied chair and looked up at Steve, waiting for an answer. Danny's eyes were painfully blue. So bright and clear and easy to read. He was in this now. No matter what Steve said, he wasn’t leaving.

But Steve did not want Danny to see him like this.

Danny didn't like Steve dropping a suspect into a harmless shark cage until he was ready to talk, he was not going to like this. Maybe afterwards, after he had seen for himself who Steve was at his worst, the parts he had kept so carefully hidden, maybe he wouldn't like Steve either.

"Go home Danny. It's not safe here," he ordered.

Danny arched an eyebrow and folded his arms and Steve swore inwardly. He knew that look. That was the look that Danny gave before he hung up on the CIA. He definitely wasn’t about to be pushed away again.

"It's not safe huh? Then it's a good thing I've got my partner for back up then. Or did you forget about that? Because I'm sure I remember you saying that I was your back up, which means that if I go home, you wont uh, you wont have any back up, and you'll be in even more danger. Is that correct?"

"Let him stay. He's trained and experienced, he can be helpful," Catherine said.

Danny wrinkled his nose in disgust at the idea of Catherine being his support, but he pushed his resentment down and gestured towards her over his shoulder.

"See? Even she agrees. I'm staying."

Steve scowled furiously. There was no way out of this. Even if he hadn’t been out numbered he knew Danny too well. He was the only person he had ever met who never walked away no matter what. Which was a double edged knife. This could very easily be the thing that pushed Danny too far, but Steve was absolutely powerless to change his mind.

"Fine. But if you're staying anywhere we might as well follow Cath's plan and form a team," Steve said, firmly.

"You got enough friends left to form a team?" Danny asked drily.

"I do, but they're too busy working to defend our country," Catherine stated.

"I've got people I can call," Steve stated.

Danny glared at him. Of course he had people. There was a constant stream of people loyal to Steve just waiting for a chance to prove it. If it were up to him that chance would never come. Steve would rather die alone somewhere unknown than risk the lives of people he cared about.

Danny folded his arms stubbornly. He wasn't about to die when there were dozens of people willing to help if Steve just reached out and asked.

"Make the call."

...

Danny watched the way that Steve stayed as stoic and unaffected as possible as Catherine walked away onto yet another plane heading off of this island _again._ The cloud above him was gloomy. Danny hated her for leaving and he was annoyed at Steve for falling for it again. So when Steve climbed in beside him, Danny dropped his head against the car window and sighed to himself.

Steve glanced across the seats towards Danny. Danny wouldn't look at him. Danny had been avoiding eye contact with him for days now. It hurt. Steve wouldn't pretend it didn't. All he wanted was to avenge the last father figure he had left, and now it had cost him his best friend...

"Junior put beers in the fridge before he left. He says they should be good and cold by now. I guess after three days he's right," Steve said, quietly.

"I'd hope so," Danny stated.

Steve winced. He hated that monotone reaction. It always meant he was in the doghouse. He rarely knew why. It was rarely worth it.

"You gonna come in and drink with me?" Steve asked, hopefully.

"You want me to?" Danny asked, drily.

"I..." Steve wanted Danny more than anything. He just never had the exact words. Danny never heard the ones he did. "I think I've been alone too long."

Danny scoffed. As far as he was aware Steve hadn't been alone. He wondered how long it took him to call Catherine after he found himself alone and angry and vulnerable. Meanwhile Danny had been worrying endlessly since the moment he left and he hadn't found time to answer one damn call.

"You're quiet. I don't like it when you're quiet," Steve said softly.

"So?" Danny huffed.

"So... why are you being quiet?" Steve asked tentatively.

Danny's shoulders shifted as he bristled, agitated, and then softened with a sigh. Steve watched the whole movement and read Danny's thoughts without a single word said. He was giving up this argument before it began.

Just like he did with Rachel.

Steve's chest ached. He couldn't be Rachel. He couldn't stand Danny hating him. Or, worse, being indifferent.

"I'm tired."

"You're lying."

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

_"Why?"_

"Because-"

The argument ground to a sudden halt as Steve realized he didn’t have an argument beyond, because I want to know. But Danny was staring at him, accusing him, and waiting for an answer. Steve shoulders sagged. The truth was all he had.

"Because I need to know what you're thinking. I need to know if things have... if things have changed between us now."

Danny's frown didn't go away. It softened. He softened. His whole posture became much less angry, but he still frowned.

"Nothing's changed Steve, I just... I'm just annoyed okay? I'm hurt and I'm annoyed but nothing's changed."

Nothing ever changed. Joe still managed to find a way to hurt Steve, Steve still turned to Catherine for help, Catherine still walked away and Danny was still left to pick up the pieces of Steve's broken heart. It was frustrating and painful and if Steve would just open his eyes and see that Danny was right there... but he never did. Steve would never hear Danny silently screaming that he was there. To let him love him. The message never got through.

Even now he could feel Steve just staring at him like he was a puzzle Steve just couldn't put together yet.

"You’re hurt? Why?" He asked.

"Because... because you don’t trust me," Danny grumbled.

Steve's face twisted, "What?! Of course I trust you Danny! I trust you with my life-"

"Then why did you call Catherine?!" Danny shouted. He turned to glare at Steve and hoped that the ball in his throat hadn’t put tears in his eyes. "We're partners! We share our problems! Together! Why didn't you want me there? What's she got that I don't?"

Steve stared at Danny, completely taken aback by the frustration in his voice. Steve found himself in trouble. Joe White had died. Catherine heard about it and reached out. Steve hadn't gone looking for her, he just didn't turn her company away. Although Danny was looking at him like Steve had actively tracked her down and dragged her along with his plan so they could get together again which was the furthest thing from Steve's mind.

He swallowed. He couldn't hold Danny's eye when he looked like that. It hurt too much. Instead he looked down at his hands and picked at his fingers.

"You remember when we got Matty back and you asked me how I cope knowing how many people I've killed?"

Danny frowned. It was still hard to think about Matty and Colombia and what he had done. It was far from forgotten though. He gave a small nod because the ball in his throat threatened too much more if he spoke. Steve didn’t look his way, but he knew Danny well enough to sense that he had nodded.

"You asked if you were unforgivable. I told you that you aren't. I know because... because I am."

Steve's voice was heavy but oddly calm. The guilt weighted it, but there was no excuse. Steve had accepted his actions, and the consequences that came with them. But the only time Danny ever heard a tone like this was in the confessional box in the church back home. Except this was an acceptance of guilt, seeking no forgiveness. And he wasn’t done.

"There are things I've done that I'm not proud of. Things that are so horrific that they shock me to my core that _I_ did them... since leaving the Navy that line between things I that I had to do for the greater good and things that I'm deeply ashamed of keeps moving. Who I am in Five-O is not who I was in the Navy. I don't even know that man half the time. And I definitely did not want you to see him."

There was a long pause as Danny took in what Steve put in front of him. Steve glanced up, just to check he wasn't too horrified to speak. He didn’t look horrified. He just looked... Steve couldn't name it. Somewhere between empathetic and hurt. He looked away before Danny could catch him.

"But... _Catherine?"_ Danny whined, "After everything she's done to you-"

"She's the only one who knows the real me."

"Bullshit."

That was not the reaction Steve was expecting. The sudden anger that bit through his tone was almost protective. He didn’t understand why.

"Danny-"

"Cut the crap Steve!" Danny interrupted stubbornly. "That’s not the real you. That's some guy who the navy created to use as cannon fodder, using his skills for personal reasons. That's not _you."_

"I'm not cannon fodder Danny," Steve frowned.

"Don’t get me wrong, you've done so much good in the navy, you’ve helped so many people and I'm so proud of you for that. I am, really," Danny insisted, and despite the high level of anger in his tone, Steve believed him, "But they fucked you up and fucked you over and fuck them for it!"

Steve blinked in surprise. He stared at Danny, utterly lost in his confusion. Danny wasn't one to shy away from harsh truths, or not call someone out on their bullshit, but Steve had never seen him look so personally furious about any agency like this. He even made allowances for the social services despite them almost taking Grace away from him when Rachel made a grab for full custody. He didn't seem to cut the Navy any slack though. That sent Steve’s head spinning.

"They took this vulnerable little kid, barely older than Grace is now, and they moulded him into a solider. They degraded him to make him work harder, make him fight harder - and he did. _You_ did. You earned your bars, you saved a lot of people, I'm sure you've saved me and everyone else in America without us ever knowing. And I know it took sacrifices. That’s why you've got those medals. You made tough decisions and you stood by them even when things didn’t work out how they were meant to. Then when you needed them, need their help, when _Joe White_ needed their help, where were they huh?! _Nowhere!_ When the time came to pay back your loyalties they didn’t send one person. We had to scrape together a team of people who are friends of you, loyal to you, who care about you, because you aren't Navy any more so they don’t care anymore. So yeah. Fuck them."

Danny's heart was pounding, half in fury and half in terror. His palms were sweaty and his breathing shook. The anxiety in him was rising. Danny had sat by and watched as Steve and various SEAL friends of his faced trouble after trouble with no help from anyone by each other. He had kept his mouth shut because of how proud he was of Steve and all of his actions in the military. It was deeply impressive. It had made him someone Danny was proud to work beside. To call a friend. But watching the trouble come and go and being one of the very few people to help Steve struggle through, had left him feeling a little resentful.

But Danny had never intended to tell Steve any of that. He intended to take his resentment to the grave. And if he wasn’t so frustrated with everything right now, maybe he would have. Now he had no idea how Steve was going to react.

Steve stared at the man he loved like he had never seen him before in his life. It was as though the world had flipped around them and a whole new light was shining on Danny. It made him almost unrecognisable.

"I don't believe this. I don't - I don't understand what I'm hearing... The Navy made me who I am Danny! I chose to join up! _Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country!_ That's what matters!" Steve's tone was growing more hostile and Danny tensed as he waited for him to yell, "That's what I fought for! For my brothers in arms and for this country! Not so that I could have back up years after I left the Navy altogether to carry out an unsanctioned mission, that's not who I am, that's not who I want to be-"

"You'd rather be a dead man held captive in a foreign country without any acknowledgement of your service?!" Danny accused.

Steve huffed and shook his head bitterly, "You don’t understand, you've never served. You don't know who I was - who I am-"

Enough was enough, Danny was not having that. He twisted in his seat and raised his voice so much louder than Steve's that he may as well have yelled. The driver sped up a little, hoping to get rid of them before the growing tension turned physical.

"That guy that you were in the navy, that _Lieutenant_ _Commander McGarrett_ , he wouldn't have hesitated to kill that guy in front of his kid. In front of me. In front of Junior. That wasn't him that lowered his gun and chose to arrest him instead. He wasn’t the one who chose to walk away without bloodshed. That was _Steve._ That's the guy I know, that's the guy I care about. That's the guy _my kids_ care about. He might not be all guns blazing anymore, he might still have blood on his hands, and dark secrets in his past but he's my best friend so don’t you _dare_ pretend that’s not who you really are."

Steve's chest was tight and the urge to yell in defence of himself made it burn, but the look of pure defiance in Danny's eyes stopped him. He couldn't find an argument. Danny looked like he wanted to rip Steve's head off for daring to imply Steve wasn't a good man.

It dawned on him in a moment of epiphany that shocked him to his core, that while all he ever thought about was what he got wrong and what he had done that caused this heavy guilt in his chest, all Danny paid attention to was what Steve was doing to make up for those actions. Danny, despite his sarcasm, chose to only see the good in Steve. To decide that he was good. And he stuck to that so stubbornly that he would argue anyone who dared to say otherwise. Even Steve.

"You wanna talk about the real you, you should find out who he is first. If he's the guy Catherine knows fine. If he's the guy I know great. Either way, let me know so we can end this argument."

Steve was still lost for words when the car came to a stop outside his house. His chest ached. The air in here was far too heavy to just leave. Besides, even when arguing he didn’t want to leave Danny. Which was why his jaw dropped when Danny unbuckled his seatbelt and climbed out of the car. Steve stared at him, frozen to his seat, as he paid the driver. Then Danny looked back at him through the open door like he'd lost his mind.

"You coming or what?"

Danny didn’t wait for an answer before moving to the trunk of the car to grab both of their bags. He slammed it shut and frowned harder to see Steve staring at him through the window. He still hadn’t left his seat. Danny sighed. He leaned against the frame of the car door and looked in at Steve.

"Look... I'm sorry. It's not your fault, I..." Danny sighed and shook his head. His face was full of regret. Steve didn’t like it. "I shouldn't have said any of that to you okay? It's my problem. My resentment. I just... I hate seeing you hurt and no one helping. But I shouldn't have said anything. Now you need to get out of the car because this is your house and you have the keys."

Steve was still too floored to really understand what was happening. He didn't like Danny being annoyed, he didn't like feeling so defensive about the Navy, and he definitely didn’t like Danny feeling the need to apologise for his opinions. They had opposing opinions on a lot of things, but they were always able to talk about them. Or, more accurately, argue about them. It felt like Danny had been hiding things from him and that stung more than the opinion themselves.

Steve got out of the car anyway.

That driver sped out of there so fast there was a dust cloud behind him.

Danny sighed as Steve stood there and stared at him still. Danny handed him his bag.

"Can we start over and pretend none of that just happened?" He asked.

The bag hung in the air between them for a moment, before Steve finally kicked back into action. He closed his eyes and looked pained.

"If you don't like who I am, why are you still here?"

Danny's heart stopped. He stared back at Steve. Logically he knew that the only thing he could do was explain that he loved Steve and would always love Steve but was frustrated by the military's treatment of him and this was just a misunderstanding. However that would mean admitting that he was in love with Steve. That prospect was just too terrifying.

"We can't just start over?" Danny begged.

Steve's chest ached. He pushed the bag down so that Danny's arm lowered slowly between them.

"I need to know Danny. Now you've seen who I am, why are you still here?" Steve whispered.

Danny bit back the ball in his throat again as the frustration in him grew again. Danny wanted to grab Steve by the shirt and shake him until he saw the light, but instead he just squeezed tighter on the handle of the bag.

"That's not who you are Steve!" He insisted, imploringly. "That's just one part of you. The part that gives you nightmares and makes you think you aren’t good enough to be loved. But it's the same part of you that makes you fight so hard to keep your team safe. That makes you work so hard that you're solving cases in your sleep! That motivates us to work harder - It's all _part_ of who you are Steve. I just wish you didn’t think it was the whole picture..."

Steve swallowed. His heart was beating too fast to feel it so he assumed it had stopped and the ache in his chest was just whatever was about to kill him. Whatever it was, it was suffocating.

"You didn't answer my question," Steve muttered, imploringly. "After everything that I just did... after how I just hurt you... _why are you still here?"_

Steve looked close to tears as he whispered it. He just didn't understand. He just couldn't see. It broke Danny's heart. It took everything in him to stop himself from gently cupping Steve's cheek and kissing the pain away right here, right now. Danny settled on gripping Steve's hand stubbornly.

"Because you're my partner. And you’re my best friend. And I love you. So I'm not going anywhere."

Steve's mouth dropped open and his eyes widened in disbelief. It hurt to see how little faith Steve had left in himself. Danny hated it. All he could do was stand by his side and hope one day he saw how good he was, and how much he loved him. For now though, Danny picked up both their bags.

"C'mon, let's go inside. I'll make some food. I'm starving."

Danny turned away towards the front door and Steve panicked, worried that he was leaving. Instinctively he lashed out to grab onto Danny's wrist.

"Danny?!"

Danny stopped instantly. He looked back, first at his hand, and then at the panic in Steve's eyes. He didn’t understand either fully.

"Yeah?"

Realising that he had completely over reacted, Steve snatched his hand back. He stuffed both of them into his pockets where they would stay out of trouble.

"I um... I'm sorry. I should have called you first, not Catherine," Steve muttered.

Danny blinked at him, surprised. He softened as Steve shifted uncomfortably, and gave him a smile. "Maybe next time."

Steve nodded quietly. Danny linked his arm though Steve’s and half dragged him up towards the house as he seemed to be unable to walk on his own. As Steve fumbled for the keys at the door, Danny's stomach grumbled.

Dyou reckon Junior left any eggs in the fridge? I'm craving an omelette."

The door finally swung open and Danny strode in first. He dropped his bags on the couch and made a beeline for the kitchen. Steve watched from the doorway, stunned. Catherine may have walked away again today, but Danny had come crashing through his door and very deliberately chose to make this place his own.

And Steve loved him so much for it.


	6. Listening To The Sound

The hospital room was quiet. It was always quite. Other than the thankfully constant beeping of the heart monitor, there was nothing to hear.

Steve's entire body felt like a weight. Each muscle felt piled onto his bones, pushing him down into his seat. Even his eyelids were dragging themselves down for longer every time he blinked. He ached all over. But he didn't let go of Danny's hand.

The weight of his head was too much to hold up, so he very slowly let it drop. without really noticing, he laid his forehead on the mattress, right against Danny's hip. The bed smelt faintly of disinfectant that was supposed to remove the smell of the blood but it only masked it. Or maybe Steve was just imagining it. He had been so covered in blood while holding Danny together to get him here. The shirt he had been wearing was badly stained now. Too stained for Steve to bare looking at it again. Not that it was here anymore. Junior took it away.

Junior had practically wrestled it off of him while Steve frantically tried to catch a glimpse of Danny's gurney through the ER doors. The trouble was that Steve couldn't stand not being able to see anything, which made it difficult to get a shirt over his head, and all of his happened to be pull overs. By the third time someone tried to cover his eyes and pull on his clothes Steve had had enough. Lou had a hard enough time trying to get that bullet proof vest off of him. Instead of bothering with one of Steve's own shirts, Junior pulled off the dark blue aloha shirt he was using as a jacket and pulled it over Steve's shoulders. He resisted that less. After that fuss, they abandoned the idea of getting him to change pants, despite the blood on them.

Maybe that was what he could smell now. The dried blood caked across his thighs where he had cradled Danny to him. The fear in Danny's eyes in that car flashed through Steve mind again and made his stomach clench. He felt the tears burn at his eyes.

He should have prevented this.

Danny was the only person he had left. Everyone else was dead. Well, everyone else except Catherine. Catherine had chosen to leave, Steve had let her go, and now she was happy living her life well away from him. Which left Danny as the most important person in his life. Daiyu Mei knew that. She used it to her advantage. Torture Danny to torture Steve.

And it worked.

For a moment Steve wished that Danny had been the one to leave on that plane all those years ago. Maybe if he had left then, he wouldn't be lying on this hospital bed now. Maybe Danny would be better off without him bringing danger into his life. Maybe they all would be...

Steve swallowed the ball that ached in his throat. Silently, he made a decision to leave while he still could. It felt like bolting the door after the horse had escaped, but what else could he do? Steve couldn't bare seeing Danny in a hospital bed and if he stayed...

Steve lifted his head away from the mattress and let his hand slip gently away from Danny's, trying to be as careful as possible so he didn’t wake him up. Danny didn't stir as Steve pulled back so he dared to look at his face.

The nurses had cleaned the blood away from Danny's cuts before stitching them but it had been Steve himself who worked the clots out of Danny's hair. He knew Danny would forgive him for touching it without permission since it was important. Even with his hair as neat as Steve could get it, Danny still looked wrong. He had scabs across his lips where he had bitten them, there was already a cast on his leg to deal to defend his sprains, and he had bruises blooming all over his body. Steve couldn't see anything under his neck except his arms, which had an IV drip pinned into it, but he knew the bruises would continue all over him.

Steve knew what injuries torture left on a person. He just couldn't stand to see them on Danny.

Something deep within Danny's subconscious sensed that something was wrong. Some sense of comfort had slipped away before he was ready, which couldn't be good. So it acted like an alarm bell and forced Danny awake. Blurry eyed and slightly confused, Danny was instantly aware of what had changed.

"Hey why'd you stop holding my hand? We fighting?"

Steve's eyes widened and his stomach dropped. He latched onto Danny's hand again, and Danny chuckled softly. He nestled deeper into the pillows as he watched the relief spread across Steve's face.

"Buddy... I, uh... I thought I lost you there, man."

Danny smirked, "Nah. No, you can't get rid of me that easy all right?"

Steve's chest ached at the idea of losing Danny. Watching over him while he slept was hard enough but now he was awake Steve could see the pain in him. Danny watched him look away. He squeezed his hand gently.

"You know, when a patient wakes up, you're supposed to be relieved. At least act happy, a little bit."

Steve squeezed his hand harder and insisted, "I'm happy."

"Yeah?" Danny chuckled, "Yeah, me too."

He could get used to waking up with Steve by his side. The sunlight through the window warming his face made Steve look so old. He had wrinkles around his eyes and specks of grey in his hair and bags under his eyes. He looked as tired as Danny felt, but still so completely gorgeous. It may have been the morphine but as long as Steve was holding his hand, he didn't feel the agony anymore.

But the agony was painted right across Steve's face. He was still tormented by what he had seen and this time it had come too close. Cut too deep. He couldn’t get past it.

"She used you to get at me. She almost killed you..."

"Eh, she didn't. I'm right here, I'm chillin'."

"Yeah. It's just..." Steve's voice shook as he took a deep breath. "It feels an awful lot like what I went through with my father, that's all..."

Danny's chest hurt again. Steve had blamed himself for what happened to his father so deeply that he had left behind everything he knew and started a whole new life. Danny did not want to be the next thing Steve ran away him.

"Stop, please. You're annoying me already. If I had a dollar for every time you saved my life I'd have, like, 20 bucks or something like..."

"You-You'd have a lot more than that, actually," Steve risked a smile.

"25 bucks, yeah," Danny smirked back.

God Steve looked good when he smiled. Even one as soft and tinged with sadness as that one. Danny ran his thumb across Steve's knuckles but he was clinging on so tightly that Danny wasn’t sure he could feel it. And then his phone went off. Steve frowned hard at it.

"Hey, I'm sorry, it's Cole. Want me to take it outside?" He asked.

Danny raised his head slightly, "The case isn’t over?"

Steve shook his head, "Not yet."

Danny blinked at him in wonder. He had never known Steve to leave a case for the others to manage, especially one as personal as this. Catching criminals was what Steve's life was dedicated to these days. That's what was more important to him that anything- even his dating life.

And he walked away from it because Danny was in hospital.

Once he had recovered from his shock Danny cleared his throat, "Go ahead, answer it. Put it on speaker, would you? I'm bored."

"You’re bored? You just woke up!" Steve snickered.

"Well sleep is more interesting than you," Danny teased.

Steve chuckled and shook his head as he answered his phone. Danny watched him with an undeniable fondness in his eyes.

"Yeah, Cole, go ahead."

"Steve, we cracked it. It's called a ADFGVX cipher, the Germans were the first to use it during World War I. The code your mother sent were coordinates for a cemetery on the island. We're sending you the location now."

"Okay." Steve hung up and checked the text. His face fell. "Oh, my God."

Danny knew that tone. It chilled him. "What is it?"

"I know this place. I know this place! My-my dad used to take me here - it's where we thought my mom was buried!" Steve said.

His eyes were round with shock when he looked back at Danny. Danny knew what had to be done and he knew Steve wouldn't do it voluntarily.

"Go."

Steve frowned. He opened his mouth to refuse so Danny pushed his arm off of the bed and insisted.

"Go, go, go!"

"You all right?"

"Yeah, go on!"

"I'm glad you're okay bud, I'll be back as soon as possible-"

Acting purely on instinct, Steve pressed a goodbye kiss into Danny's hairline before hurrying out of the door. He made it to the elevator before the action caught up with him. He didn’t have time to think about that now though. Right now, he was out for revenge.

By the time Steve got Daiyu Mei arrested and safely locked up, school had ended. Steve stopped at both Grace's and Charlie's to gather the kids and take them to the hospital with him. Unaware of how hurt their father was, both children were worried. Steve carried Charlie on his hip, holding him close for his own comfort more than Charlie's. Grace, however, threw aside the cool independent image she tried to present to the world now that she was almost an adult, and clung to his free hand like a toddler taking her first steps. She held his hand a little tighter as they snuck past the nurse's station and into Danny's room.

Danny had already had an endless stream of visitors today and the nurse's had declared his room off limits for the sake of his recovery. Steve knew this because Kamekona had complained about it loudly, so he snuck the kids through a staff elevator by flashing his badge.

"Look who I found," Steve said in a loud whisper.

Danny sat up and gasped in delight, "hi!"

"Danno!" Charlie cried loudly.

He wriggled out of Steve's arms and raced towards the bed. Danny couldn't bend to pick him up so he reached down to ruffle his hair instead. He ignored the shooting pain across his hip as he bent.

"Hi Charlie!" He beamed.

Grace glanced back at the nurses station when Charlie cried out. She pushed Steve a little further into the room and shut the door behind them. One thing she had learned after a lot of hospital visits was that this many visitors at once would definitely get them told off. Steve gave her an approving wink afterwards.

"Why are you two so far away? I'm not contagious y'know!" He teased.

Grace hurried over to Danny's other side and latched onto the edge of the mattress, "You okay Danno?"

Danny smiled and cupped her cheek with his hand, "I'm good monkey. I'm real good."

Grace smiled back at him as his hand fell away from her cheek. Steve joined them by Grace's side and squeezed her shoulder for his own comfort. Danny turned back towards Charlie and Grace raised her chin so her head hit Steve's chest.

"He's on morphine isn't he?" She said.

"I imagine so yeah," Steve nodded.

Grace chuckled knowingly. Danny only ever looked this zoned out when he was on painkillers. Danny's hands moved to lift Charlie onto his lap to tickle him like he would at home, but his body screamed at him for attempting to move and he chose against it.

"What happened?" Charlie asked innocently.

"Uhhh," Danny glanced in Steve's direction just long enough see the shame course through him. Danny wished that would go away. But first his son needed an answer. "Well there was an accident, and my car got a bit... destroyed..."

Grace's eyes widened and she looked up at Steve again for clarification. Steve looked her way because she had moved but he communicated nothing. Grace had known him long enough to know that meant Danny was softening a blow. It was not reassuring.

"And I got a bit hurt, but Uncle Steve came and rescued me. He saved my life," Danny said proudly. He looked pointedly at Steve, "Again."

Steve couldn't help the smile that Danny won from him. It numbed the aching black pit of guilt and shame and regret that consumed his stomach.

"Uncle Steve's my hero," Charlie beamed.

Steve's smile grew again as the pit in his stomach started to feel a little less icy. Even Grace was smiling at him again. Danny tilted his head at Charlie.

"Really? Uncle Steve is? Not me? Not Danno? Where's the love?"

"You're my hero Danno," Steve said.

Danny flashed him a smirk. He knew he was teasing but goddamn if it didn’t make his heart go wild. "Thanks Steve."

"Mine too," Grace said.

"Cmere," Danny held out his hand to pull her closer. she leaned in and he kissed her head. "Mwah, I love you."

She giggled, "love you too."

Their attention was quickly snatched away from Danny by the sound of the door opening. A nurse took two steps into the room before looking up and seeing not one, not two, but _three_ visitors that were not supposed to be here. She put a hand on her hip when she recognised Steve.

"Oop. Busted," Danny grinned.

"I can explain," Steve lied.

"Visiting time on this ward is over, Commander McGarrett. No exceptions," Nurse Kuala warned him.

"Not even for your favourite HLH survivor?" Danny urged. He put a hand on Charlie's shoulders and turned him so he was facing the nurse. Then, in a loud whisper, he added, "Put on your best puppy dog face little C."

Charlie stuck out his bottom lip, tilted his head to the side, and batted his eyelids innocently. It took her a moment to remember the short stint she had worked in paediatrics, but she knew that look. She held in a smile.

"Or your favourite brain surgery survivor?" Steve urged.

Steve nudged Grace pointedly. Grace gave a sheepish smile and raised a hand to wave.

"Do the face monkey, the face," Danny urged.

Grace wrinkled her nose and shook her head. The puppy dog eyes hadn't worked on anyone but Danny and Steve since she was thirteen. Nurse Kuala chuckled to herself.

"We got a whole family of survivors here huh? You'd think with how often y'all are in hospital you'd know the visitor hours by now," she said, pointedly.

"Five more minutes Nurse Kuala, _please?!"_ Charlie begged.

"Please Nurse Kuala?" Grace begged.

"Please?!" Steve agreed.

Danny was grinning like he had been handed the last piece of cake at a birthday party. It outshone the sunlight coming in through the window. Everyone he adored was currently in this room and they wanted to stay so badly they were literally begging.

"We don’t want to over tire the patient now do we?" Nurse Kuala said

"I’m not over tired, I promise. You should see me after a week with this one and a weekend with them, _that’s_ over tired. This is nothin'," Danny snickered.

Steve shot him an unamused look but Danny grinned back so happily that he had to look away before it became amused. It was getting hard to be racked with guilt when Danny was sat there smiling like this was the best day of his life.

"C'mon the kids just want to know their dad's okay. I promise I won't let anyone else over stay their visit if we can have a little more time just for today," Steve pleaded earnestly.

Nurse Kuala pursed her lips as she considered this, and glanced out of the door to see who else was around. For once there didn't seem to be any lingering law enforcement hanging around ready to just quickly check in on him. Maybe if these three had their time, she could actually do some work today.

"You've got two minutes for goodbyes but when I come back to give you your medication I expect to find you alone Detective," she warned.

Both Grace and Charlie quietly cheered in delight. She chuckled to see them.

"Yes Nurse Kuala," Steve said obediently.

"Mahalo," Charlie said.

She waved to him as she left and shut the door behind her. The smile she was holding in bloomed across her face. Try as she might to be annoyed at them, this was one cute family.

"Alright you heard the nurse we got two minutes. You first Grace Face," Steve urged.

Grace reached across the bed to wrap her arms around his neck, "Love you Danno."

"Love you too monkey, be good for your mom alright?" Danny said.

As she pulled away she said, with a twinkle in her eye, "Always am."

Danny didn’t believe her for one second. Grace got up to all sorts of mischief with him and he was a cop. Rachel stood no chance. Steve lifted Charlie up onto his hip to reach Danny.

"Now you little monster-" Danny began

Charlie didn't quite think about where Danny was and how many wires he had attached to him. It had been a long time since he had those same wires plugged into him and he had forgotten that they hurt when they moved. And he wanted to hug his father so badly that he just pounced on him.

"Oof!"

Danny stifled his yelp of pain but both Grace and Steve winced. Charlie squeezed him tightly.

"Bye Danno!"

"I love you very much Charlie - Steve can you-"

"On it."

Steve scooped Charlie up as quickly as he could, being careful not to tug at any of Danny's wires. Danny sighed in relief as the pain eased. Steve put Charlie down and he hurried over to Grace. It was Steve's turn to say goodbye.

Steve looked down at his feet as the kiss came back to him. After all the pain and all the trouble Steve had caused him today, the last thing he wanted to do was upset him by kissing him.

"Sorry..."

The word just fell out of him. Danny squinted slightly as he tried to figure out what he was apologising for this time.

"For what? Saving my life or bringing me my kids? Either way you're forgiven," Danny promised.

Steve opened his mouth to explain himself, but then he stopped. Danny had been on painkillers earlier too. He had just woken up. Maybe he hadn't registered the kiss. Maybe he had forgotten it. Or maybe he was just pretending it hasn't happened. Steve could live with that, as long as it kept Danny in his life.

"I uh... I'll be back tomorrow. Bring you some clothes and a phone charger and whatever," Steve promised.

"Looking forward to it," Danny said

Steve nodded. He moved to turn towards the kids again and Danny tilted his head at him, unimpressed.

"You uh, you forgetting something?"

Steve frowned at him. "I don't think so-"

"You're gonna leave me wounded and not even kiss it better? Wow. I expect better tomorrow," Danny scoffed.

Steve's heart beat a little faster in alarm. Charlie latched onto Grace urgently. Grace's eyebrows rose. Their excitement tinged the air. Steve was terrified.

"You... huh?"

Danny frowned slightly as his eyes searched Steve's face. He wasn't sure why Steve looked so scared. _He_ had been the one to kiss _Danny_ after all. After all this time it felt like a natural progression. Maybe Danny had misread the situation, but that didn't seem likely...

"Commander McGarrett it's been over two minutes!"

Steve could have sworn at her right there in front of the kids. His world was on fire and he had no idea what was going on.

"Yeah, yeah I know but-" Steve stammered.

"No buts Uncle Steve! We made a promise we gotta go!" Charlie declared.

Charlie had been raised to always honour promises. He took Steve’s hand and dragged him towards the door. Steve objected, but he didn't fight it much.

"But-" Steve began.

"Yeah Steve you gotta go!" Danny smirked.

"Bye Danno!" Charlie waved over his shoulder.

"Bye Charlie."

"Get good soon!"

"Be good!"

They weren't out of earshot before the nurse was chuckling again, "Cute kids. You and your partner are very lucky."

"Yeah, they're the best. I love that guy. He saved my life," Danny said proudly.

"I know, I saw. He must love you too because we could not get rid of him," she smiled.

"That’s Steve. I love that guy," Danny beamed. "I love this morphine too."

"Everyone does. Now take these pills and I'll see if I can find you some more jello."

"Deal!"

Steve’s heart throbbed at what he heard. He felt the temperature under his collar rising as that black pit melted away. Steve had no time for ice in his stomach when there was something even more powerful burning up through his veins.

His mind was so busy whirling over what had just happened that he completely missed the conversation happening right in front of him until Grace elbowed him. He blinked in surprise as he realised he was in an elevator.

"You didn’t hear a word we just said did you?" She smirked.

"I uh..." Steve's jaw flapped as he realized he really hadn’t. "I'm sorry, no."

Charlie groaned dramatically, throwing his shoulders back and bending to double over like it was just too much hassle to go over it all again. Grace just giggled.

"I said can we go to Uncle Kamekona's for dinner?" She said.

"Oh, um, yeah sure. You wanna call Rach and-" Steve paused.

The cold shame came creeping into him again as he frowned. The last time they told Rachel that Danny was in hospital she ended up having an affair with him. As much as Steve adored Charlie, he really couldn’t stand the idea of Rachel getting her hooks into Danny again. Especially after what she had done to him. Keeping a child away from his father and lying about it for years was unforgivable. Steve resented her for all of it, just as much as Danny resented the navy. That tangle of fear and realisation dazed him again. Grace had to elbow him just in time for the elevator doors to open.

" _Uncle Steve!_ Are you okay to drive like this?!" She laughed.

"Don't be cheeky monkey," Steve teased.

Grace giggled back and Steve felt his heart lift again. He deliberately avoided calling her monkey, partly because he had been subjected to a rant from Danny for ten minutes when he heard Stan call her that, and partly because she crinkled her nose at Stan and said "only Danno calls me that." But she said nothing like that to him. Ever. And it was like his own little victory parade in his chest every time.

"You gotta tell Rachel though. Tell her you'll be late home because we're going out for dinner," he warned.

Grace agreed and Charlie - who was always keen to leave a hospital after having to live in one for so long - went running out of the hospital doors at lightning speed. Steve hurried after him, only to find him on the ramp outside yelling triumphantly, "WE'RE GOING TO KAMEKONA'S!" as if it was a rare treat and the man wasn't standing here high fiving him half an hour ago.

Danny heard the unmistakable sound of his son yelling at the top of his lungs and he smiled to himself. Steve was taking him to Kamekona's. He was excited. Steve always made his kids happy, even on a day like today.

Danny was smitten.

...

Steve's heart was a nervous wreck as he stepped in place in the lift. He willed it to hurry up and go faster so he could reach Danny before his nerve ran out. It felt like every nerve in his body was screaming and if he didn't get this out today he never would. When the doors opened he went striding with all the determination of a SEAL on a mission towards Danny's room.

And froze to see Lou at the end of his bed.

Steve had not been expecting anyone else to be visiting Danny this early. He had deliberately come as soon as visiting hours were allowed so he could beat everyone else here and get this out. He had no idea how Lou could have beaten him.

Steve glanced back towards the elevators and wondered if anyone would even know if he left right now...

"Steve!" Danny called, "Why you hiding out there? Come in already!"

Steve swore inwardly. Now he didn’t have a choice. "Aloha."

"Not wearing Junior's shirt today? Shame. That casual Hawaiian look was real good on you," Lou teased.

Steve wasn’t in the mood for teasing though. "How'd you get here so fast?"

"What're you talking about, so fast, I've been here for twenty minutes. I brought a basket of muffins and my charming smile and strolled right in," Lou smirked smugly.

Danny frowned, "I didn’t get any muffins."

"You got something better. Me!" Lou said.

"I'd rather have a muffin," Danny stated.

Steve snickered to himself as Lou sneered at Danny. Danny smiled back, holding his gaze. Lou then turned to Steve.

"Steve, tell this ungrateful idiot he cant go back to his house alone after he gets discharged."

Danny rolled his eyes, "Where else can I go Lou? It's my house! I live there!"

"You should stay with someone else so they can help you out while you're healing. Someone to make sure you're doing your PT-" Lou argued.

"My insurance can cover a home helper if I really need one, which I don’t-" Danny argued back.

"You shouldn't be alone Danny, you can very easily get yourself hurt again and do more damage," Steve interrupted.

"Exactly! You should stay with Steve," Lou declared.

Steve frowned. He folded his arms across his chest and stared at Lou. "Thanks for volunteering me Lou."

Danny frowned at him, "What, you don’t want to take care of the man who was tortured for being the most important person in your life?"

Steve's chest tightened, "Of course I'd take care of you-"

"Good, I'll take the bed this time," Danny stated firmly.

Lou tucked his hands into his pocket and chuckled smugly at the way the two men butted head into getting everything they wanted.

"I was going to say that since I'm living with Junior now there isn’t a spare bed-"

"Yours is a king size right?"

"Yeah?"

"Good, I'll take that."

Steve's mouth hung open as he tried to think of an argument against that. He struggled to find one. Danny sleeping in his bed was exactly what he wanted, he just wanted to be in it too. Lou arched an eyebrow at Steve, waiting for his rebuttal that never came.

"Look at that. Speechless. Never thought I'd see the day..." Lou chuckled, impressed. "Shame I gotta go. I'll see you soon. Get better fast before McGarrett here is off his leash too long and we cant get him back on it!"

"Bye Lou," Steve muttered.

"Bring me muffins next time!" Danny called.

Lou threw an arm up as he walked out and it was enough to let Danny know he was going to have to buy his own muffins. He rolled his eyes and shook his head, but smiled. After all the years he had known Lou, he knew exactly what to expect from him these days.

Steve leaned against the railing at the end of Danny's bed and stared blankly into space. Now that Lou was gone he and Danny were alone. His chest was a tangle of nerves again. He had forgotten just how much Danny was trying to hide from them. Whenever he thought no one was paying attention he let the mask slip. It made Steve's chest hurt to see.

Danny held his eye as Steve traced his face for signs of pain now.

"What?"

"Nothing'."

"Liar."

Steve wrinkled his nose. Danny knew him too well. He could always see whenever there was too much on Steve's mind. He never let up when he did.

"What are you thinking about?" Danny asked.

"About how you’re the most important person in my life. How that almost got you killed," Steve admitted, reluctantly.

Danny's shoulders fell and he rolled his eyes again, "Enough with the guilt okay?! I knew you were coming to save me, I had complete faith in you!"

"That makes one of us," Steve muttered.

"It isn't your fault y’know? It's annoying you think it is, you're not that special," Danny huffed.

Steve frowned, "I don't think that..."

"Steve. It's been ten years man. I know exactly what you think," Danny said.

Steve licked his lips and shifted uncomfortably. If Danny knew what he was thinking, if he ever actually knew the truth, then maybe Steve wouldn't have to say it. And there was a look in Danny's eye that made him think maybe he was right.

Danny knew why he was really here.

Steve took a deep breath. "Then answer the question."

Danny stared at him like he was insane. Steve's stomach clenched. He had made a mistake. Danny didn't know what he was talking about. Now he needed a way to backtrack away from why he was here.

That is, until Danny said, "I already did. I keep answering it! That answer's never going to change."

For a moment Steve let his hopes get the better of him. Then, because that felt too good to be true, he let his doubts sour them.

"I don't understand-"

"Then come here and let me show you."

Steve was hesitant to move. Danny raised a hand to try and pull him closer but he really couldn’t reach. Steve shuffled closer to him until he was in reach. Danny took Steve's hand as soon as he could and drew him closer. When Steve's heart raced and he tried to resist, Danny's grip tightened.

He wasn't letting go this time.

Danny pulled Steve closer by his arm until he could reach his shirt. Then Danny used that to tug him down. Steve resisted that one harder. Danny had to reach a hand up to Steve's neck to stop him pulling away.

When Danny finally reached close enough to kiss him, Steve froze. He tensed against Danny's mouth. Danny closed his eyes and ignored the thundering in his chest. He wasn’t about to give in. He couldn’t. Not now. Not after all this time.

And when Steve's brain finally kicked back into action, his hand moved to Danny's cheek to hold him still as he lunged a little closer to kiss Danny back. Danny gave a soft moan of relief and Steve's smile moulded against his jaw. Steve's grin grew until he was smiling too much to kiss comfortably and he had to pull back. Danny's hand stayed firmly gripped on his shirt so he couldn't run away. Instead, he rested his forehead on Danny's. This close, Danny could whisper and still be the loudest thing in the room. Except Steve's racing heart anyway. Danny's head rolled down towards Steve's mouth again, but he stopped himself.

‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍‍"I love you Steve. As big an idiot as you are, I love you. Willingly. Even if it takes literally being tortured for you to see it," he said.

Steve winced. His voice croaked, "I should never have let her get to you-"

"Shh," Danny's hand moved to his cheek again, "stop okay? It's too late for that. It's done. You got her. I’m still here. Forgive yourself for once."

Steve's chest ached as he opened his eyes and stared into Danny's. They were so blue. So calm. Yet he drowned in them.

"I don't know if I can..."

Danny's heart went out to Steve as Steve closed his eyes and bowed his head. He pulled away from Danny and this time, he didn't stop him. It was a lot of effort but Danny shuffled up on the bed and patted the empty space beside him.

"Lie down with me."

Steve coiled back and shook his head, "I'll hurt you."

"Do it anyway," Danny stated.

Steve was just as hesitant to climb up onto the bed beside him as he had been to kiss him, but once Danny had an idea in his head he wasn't one to give up on it. He pulled on Steve's shirt until Steve was laying rigidly on the edge of the bed trying hard not to touch anything that might hurt Danny. Danny wrapped an arm around him to hold him closer than he dared to get, so he wouldn't fall off and hurt himself.

"Comfy?" Danny smirked.

"Mmm," Steve lied.

Danny rolled his eyes but chuckled softly. This close, Steve heard him right against his ear and it rumbled through him, leaving him breathless. That only got worse when he felt Danny's fingers twisting through his hair.

"Ten years ago you turned up on my doorstep and said that the governor gave you a task force and you picked me to be your partner and I didn't have a choice. Remember that?"

Steve's throat felt like sawdust as he croaked out, "Yeah?"

"Well aloha idiot, I pick you to be my partner and you don’t have a choice!" Danny laughed.

Laying against the pillow, Steve stared across at Danny, utterly lost in his affections. He wasn’t even sure he was awake right now. This felt like some kind of unbelievable dream. Danny was still injured and still exhausted and he was going to need help. Steve desperately wanted to help. Anything to keep this going for as long as he could. He never wanted to get go again. Steve laid a hand across Danny's chest and played with the hem of his hospital gown. With him this close, for the first time in what felt like a life time, the chill left Steve's bones.

"Come and live with me Danny. Not just while you recover, I want you there full time so I can protect you properly," he urged.

Danny hummed thoughtfully. "Ask me again but tell me why you really want me to. Stop trying to protect yourself before you risk getting hurt."

"I'm not trying to-"

"Steve."

Steve's chest ached again. He wondered if he was hurting more than Danny at this point. He could definitely use some of that morphine. He despised this vulnerability burning into his skin. But when Danny's fingers ran across his nape like that it melted his insides to a puddle. Danny smirked as Steve's fingers gripped harder into his hospital gown. Now they were finally this close, he never wanted to let go again.

"Danny will you move in with me?"

"Because?"

"Because..." Steve swallowed, but he pushed on. He had to. They had come too far to bottle it now. "Because I don't want to live without you anymore. Because I love you. Because I've loved you since you saved me from North Korea and maybe even before that. Because you mean the world to me and every time I go to bed without you the bed feels too empty. Because... because even an international criminal empress could see you’re the most important person to me! because..."

Danny's heart was erratic enough already if that heart monitor was accurate. It was enough to concern the nurses outside who took one look through the door and knew enough to walk away without intriguing. Steve didn't hear that though. He Couldn’t. It was drowned out by the blood rushing past his ears.

"Because?"

I want you to... please?"

Steve's eyes were wide and hopefully and tinged with just enough fear to soften Danny. Neither kids puppy dog eyes could even touch this. Danny pressed his nose against Steve's cheek to kiss him again.

Very quietly, into his ear, he muttered, "Sure."

If Steve had been attached to a heart monitor it would have flat lined then and there. He lifted his head and crashed it against Danny's, no longer caring about the pain. He laid across Danny's chest, pushing more to get closer against him. Danny was pressed back into the bed and wrapped his arms around Steve to hold onto him as he did. Steve moved to try and slip his tongue into Danny's mouth but the movement knocked Danny's IV. He grunted at the sharp pain. Steve tore himself back in alarm.

"Sorry!" He urged.

"Shut up!" Danny huffed.

He grabbed Steve's collar and pulled him back down to kiss him again. Steve put his hand down on the mattress to keep some distance between them. He wouldn’t risk hurting Danny again. Without the weight of Steve on top of him, Danny was a little disappointed. He let go of Steve's shirt and let him lay back down beside him, where he wouldn’t cause any trouble. Steve's hand wrapped around Danny's on his chest though.

"If it's that easy how has it taken ten years to do this?" He smirked.

"Both of us being single helps. So does nearly dying," Danny chuckled.

Steve bristled, "Don’t say that. I don't know what I would have done if you'd died..."

The frown that crossed his face was a warning that he was sinking back towards guilt. Danny knew it from experience. He wasn't about to let that happen.

"Hey, hey, look at me. Feel this right here," Danny lifted Steve's hand and laid it across his heart, pushing it down with his own so he could feel it. "Still beating. Still alive. Stop looking so sad or I'll have to give you my jello and then I'll be annoyed that you took my jello."

Steve smiled softly. He pulled his hand away from Danny's chest and dared to run a thumb across his cheek. Danny turned his head to press against his palm. Steve's hand was warmer and broader than he was used to, but it felt familiar. Like it was made to fit just there.

"You could try kissing it better," Steve said.

Danny chuckled. He leaned closer until it hurt and stole a smaller, gentler kiss from Steve. When he let go, he dropped back into the pillow with a grunt. That nurse was right. Five minutes with Steve and Danny was exhausted. It was hardly a surprise. From the very first day, from the moment Steve got him shot, Danny hadn't gone more than a month without injury. Why would this be any different?

"Hey Danno?" Steve smiled softly.

"Yeah?" Danny yawned.

"I really love you y’know."

Oh. _That's_ why this would be different. Danny's eyes widened in surprise at the softness in his voice. He turned his head against the pillow to smile at Steve.

"What, one near death experience and you go all soft on me huh?"

Steve smiled. He tilted his head forward across the pillow to press his lips gently against Danny's. He'd never get over the sparks it sent through him. Danny would always love the way he smiled into their kisses.

"I love you too."

Steve rested his forehead against Danny's and grinned so widely that it made Danny's knees feel weak. Then again everything felt weak right now. He was injured and he was tired. He pushed Steve's shoulder away gently.

"I love you but get off me right now you're killing my leg."

Steve didn’t hesitate to clamber off of the bed. Without him adding to the pressure against Danny's hip Danny sighed with relief. Steve gave him an apologetic look as he took a seat beside the bed. His eyes widened as a realisation hit him.

"Oh damn..."

"What now?" Danny groaned.

"I uh, I brought a plane ticket out of Hawaii, I'm not gonna get that money back now," Steve admitted.

Danny froze. He rolled his head across the pillow to stare at him again and accused, "You were going leave me? In this hospital? all on me own?!"

Steve's stomach tensed. "It was stupid, I know, but I was scared. This whole thing started with my dad dying and when I thought you... I thought because I'm a danger magnet you'd be safer without me around..."

"So you were just going to run away?"

Steve bowed his head and looked ashamed. As irritating as it was, Danny sighed again. He wrapped his fingers across Steve's palm.

"What about Five-O?"

Steve swallowed again. The thoughts had been weighing on him for weeks but he hadn’t dared to admit it to anyone yet. Not even Danny.

"I'm... I'm tired of being in the field all the time. I'm getting too old. It wont be long before that puts them in danger and I cant... and they got Cole now. With Tani and Junior in charge and Lou and Adam helping them they don't need me around."

"So I'm the last of the original four huh? Wow. I never expected that."

"Me neither..."

They really didn't. Chin was dedicated to this island and always had been. He lived for his family, even when they turned against him. Kono was a champion surfer. She did all she could to honour her ancestors and protect both the land and the people on it. Steve grew up here. He knew this place like the back of his hand and it was the only place he ever called home. Danny had come here for Grace, actively hated the island and everything about it, and tried to take the first opportunity to leave, even if it meant being with his ex wife again. He was not the person any of them had imagined being the last one in Five-O.

If it wasn’t for Steve, he would be gone already.

"Where were you gonna go?" Danny sighed.

Steve shrugged. "The ticket's for New York. I didn't have any plans, I just... I just wanted to get away and it was the first place I saw."

Danny nodded solemnly as he ran circles across Steve's palm with his fingers. He thought about New York. Just across the river from home. From his family. He hadn’t seen them in a long time...

"If you buy another one I'll come with you."

Steve's head snapped up in surprise. "Really?"

"Well if you're gonna waste your money anyway we might as well go together. Tell ma the good news," Danny said.

Steve frowned slightly, "The good news?"

"That we're dating? Keep up Steve or I'll ask a Nurse to do an MRI scan on you."

"What about Five-O? Physical therapy-"

"Firstly we can do physical therapy anywhere. Secondly... if you’re out, I'm out. I'm out anyway for the next six months at least, its the perfect time to take a step back. Especially if it gives me more time with my new partner."

Danny nodded with the same sheer stubbornness that told Steve there was absolutely no room for arguing. Steve licked his lips cautiously.

"You sure about this? I don’t want you to do anything you'll regret."

Danny frowned at him. "Steve I should have regretted absolutely everything I've ever done, but it lead me to Grace and Charlie and you. The three best things in my life came from three things I should regret. I won't regret this either."

That eased the last of the doubt in Steve's chest and he reached out to squeeze Danny's hand again.

"So we're stepping back from Five-O together, to focus on caring for each other and raising our family, and going to visit your parents in Jersey?" Steve said.

"I always knew we'd end up growing old together. Unless we died first obviously," Danny chuckled.

He laid his head back down in the pillows and closed his eyes. His eyelids were aching to shut. He was exhausted. Beside him, Steve rested his chin on his arms and watched Danny resting, adoringly. It had taken them forever to get here but Danny was _choosing_ him. Not because he was the only person left, but because he _wanted_ him. Because he _loved_ him. And Steve would never have the words to explain how much he loved him back. Danny opened his eyes again to check if Steve was still there. He was. Obviously. Danny smirked.

"Stop with that cheesy grin will ya! You look like such a goof and I cant get up to stop you."

"I'll come there then."

Steve stood up to leaned down back into Danny's reach and continued grinning like an idiot. Danny laughed and pushed his face away affectionately.

"Goof!"

Steve chuckled along again as he sat back down again. The sun shining through the window felt warmer and brighter than ever. Danny was going to be okay and he was going to come home and they were going to be together. Because Danny could forgive him for everything he had done. Because he deserved to he happy.

And he was happy with Danny.


End file.
